Whisper to Me
by Lavareef
Summary: Makoto's words were carefully whispered to Haruka, af if whispering the words turns them into something that isn't real; hushed and silent enough to be carried by the wind and then forgotten about. However, Haruka could never forget and he's forced to think about his own feelings, whether they existed or not.
1. Part I

_**Whisper to Me**_

_It has been sixty days since Makoto told Haruka that he loved him…_

Normally, Haruka wouldn't have thought twice about this confession of love. They had always been close in their life and they would probably always be close given that they were best friends. Makoto's been in Haruka's life for as long as he can remember and Haruka would like to keep it that way however…

Makoto wasn't talking about his love as a friend, no this was something else. Something you didn't talk about, something only discussed about in hushed tones, as if whispering the words turns them into something that isn't real; hushed and silent enough to be carried by the wind and then forgotten about.

Haruka couldn't forget, he would probably never forget. This wasn't the kind of thing you could pretend that didn't happen – though he did try his hardest to forget the words that Makoto had whispered to him sixty days ago.

It was the beginning of their third year and everybody seemed to be buzzing. They could start swim practice again and even the lost friendship with Rin had been restored, everything seemed perfect and nothing would ever compare to the pure feeling of bliss they all felt.

Haruka had caught Makoto's eye at a party that was thrown by Nagisa(of course in Haruka's house) to celebrate another year full of fun and swim practice. Makoto had beamed at Haruka and Haruka had smiled back slightly, the same thought passing between the two, how they were so excited to compete in races and tournaments again, so proud of each other and everything they'd done so far. At that moment, Haruka felt like he was exactly where he wanted to be, everything was simply perfect.

Three hours later, Haruka's world was shaken so hard that it would probably never be restored to its previous state of utter bliss and happiness. His whole world was rocked and turned on its head; Makoto's drunken slurring as he whispered in Haruka's ear, whispered because the words he spoke were _those_ kind of words. Haruka had only been able to listen to so much, before grabbing Rei's arm as he went to walk past, pulling him towards them.

"Take Makoto upstairs, he's drunk," Haruka muttered, not even looking at the olive-haired male before he walked away.

Haruka couldn't remember anything else about that night, only that Rin had been a very willing drinking partner and they had both suffered greatly for it the next morning.

There was only one person who didn't seem to be suffering at all the next morning and that was Makoto. He was second of out his bed, after Nagisa and Rei of course and was still in the bathroom when Rin and Haruka rolled out of Haruka's bed before staggering downstairs to the kitchen area.

"Good morning!" Makoto's greeting was like a hammer to Haruka's forehead and by the sounds of it, Rin's too. Haruka hated the fact that he had drunk so much but it seemed like the only way to wash away the whisper that had thrown his world upside down. Haruka wanted to desperately try to deny that Makoto had said anything to him at all, but the whisper seemed to be stuck in his clouded mind.

"Fucking shut your mouth!" Rin glared at Makoto, who was grinning from ear to ear. He was in a good mood today and no one would take that away from him.

Nagisa laughed loudly. "Serves you both right!"

Haruka laid his head down on the table, not really wanting to face Makoto at the moment, and when he glanced up, he saw Rin giving the blonde the finger, not that the blonde cared, he even laughed louder and Haruka winced at the sound. When Haruka's oceanic gaze darted over to Makoto, Haruka was confused. Makoto was pouting and glaring at him with his 'You've pissed me off' look. Had Makoto been so drunk the night before that he'd forgotten what happened? Was Makoto so drunk that he was just spewing bullshit that meant nothing? Better yet, had Haruka been so drunk that he imagined the entire thing? He certainly hoped so…

"Why are you up so early anyway?" Rin asked the olive-haired male, interrupting Haruka's thoughts. "And why did you leave so early? You weren't that drunk, were you?"

Haruka tilted his head to see Makoto staring directly at him.

"No I wasn't," Makoto mumbled, cheeks staining reddish.

_There it was. He remembered exactly what happened._

Makoto never said anything else; to Haruka's utter amazement, his best friend carried on as if it had never happened, as if he hadn't just dropped something monumentally huge onto Haruka. It all seemed wonderful because Haruka didn't want to think about it either. The only problem was that he couldn't stop thinking about it, it was all he ever thought about.

Every once in a while, Makoto attempted to remind him as if he'd eventually forget and that's obviously not something Makoto wanted. Haruka would look up from his breakfast and catch one of his emerald gems before catching both of them, which would be appraising Haruka slowly while the tiny tip of his pink glistening tongue ran along the curve of his bottom lip. Makoto still came by Haruka's every day to drag him out of his tub and they'd have breakfast together. It was one of their habits and Haruka didn't exactly want to change that. However, whenever he saw that damn tongue, it would make him so angry that he wanted to throw himself over the small table and launch himself at Makoto; use his fist to smash that smitten look right off Makoto's face, bust that lip open until there was no more blood to shed. Haruka would get even angrier when he'd find himself thinking about running his own tongue along Makoto's lip instead, and that would be the point where he'd throw his uneaten mackerel away and storm out.

* * *

_It's been fifty three days since Haruka nearly walked away during their swim practice._

Haruka could feel Makoto watching him, as he always did. In the past, it had never bothered Haruka, in fact it made him feel special since Makoto was always there to extend his hand when practice was over. However, it made his blood boil every time their eyes locked and Haruka wanted nothing more than to disappear under the surface of the water and never come up again. He didn't know how to handle the emotions that Makoto was sending to him because he just didn't want to be loved in that kind of way. Sure, Makoto had always been clingy and perhaps a bit too touchy and feely every now and again, but the mere thought of Makoto loving him on a much deeper level made him feel sick and furious at the same time. Sometimes, when Kou was absent, Makoto would be the one to blow the whistle and on more than one occasion, Haruka wanted to grab the damn thing and shove it down Makoto's throat. His stomach churned as he then imagined shoving something else down Makoto's throat. Haruka continued to stoically swim laps, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. He didn't want to lose Makoto as a best friend but honestly, everything had already changed and nothing had happened. Makoto acted differently around Haruka, or perhaps, he was still the same but Haruka wasn't. He would now understand the shimmer in Makoto's emerald gems when they looked at each other. Before it was just a sign that Makoto was happy but now Haruka knew better. Miserable as he was, Haruka continued swimming, gliding through the water, his pride overpowering a heartbreak he didn't quite understand.

* * *

_It's been fifty one days since Makoto finally brought it up again._

Haruka had been waiting for it to be honest, he knew his best friend wouldn't let something like that go, no matter how much Haruka wished things could go back to normal. He had secretly been challenging Makoto to make the next move, so pissed off he was that Makoto could so casually tell him and then say nothing for days on end. Words between the two friends were few and Haruka longed for the days where he could tell Makoto anything and listen to Makoto's incessant chattering. Haruka never said that much to Makoto but he didn't need to because Makoto could just read his thoughts. However, it seemed that Makoto didn't bother doing that anymore and Haruka felt rather exposed in a weird sense. There were things he wanted or things he wanted to say but there was no one who understood his heart's desires. He just wanted his best friend back…

Space between the two of them had always been tight, they sat next to each other in class, when they walked home their arms and hands would often brush, they always swam next to each other albeit in different lanes,… They were always together. However, over the course of that week, Haruka had never felt so claustrophobic. He had never noticed just how narrow it was in the locker rooms when he had to squeeze past his best friend; feeling but not seeing the pair of emerald gems fixed on him change from amusement at Haruka's discomfort to something darker and intense.

As more days passed, Makoto would become bolder and Haruka would cringe as the taller body of his best friend passed his back, the deceptively light pressing of Makoto's groin against Haruka's ass so very deliberate. The last time, Makoto had the audacity to even release a small moan. Haruka was so furious he spun to face the olive-haired male and had to stop himself from grabbing Makoto by the hair and slamming his head against the wall. He snarled as visions of what could come after invaded his mind. He had Makoto pushed against the wall and then he would take a step closer until their noses were touching.

Makoto seemed taken aback as Haruka stared him down; he was the first to back away at the murderous look he was receiving from Haruka. He could read the message loud and clear; either say what you need to say or fuck off.

So Makoto said what he wanted to say. He walked into Haruka's bedroom because believe it or not, the raven-haired male suggested that Makoto stay over tonight. Makoto casually dropped himself down onto the mattress as Haruka tried to ignore him. It wasn't really polite to invite someone and then blandly ignore that person but to Haruka, it was the only thing he could think of. He concentrated on the stupid game he was playing. It didn't take long before long fingers that were definitely not his own, closed over where his thumbs were frantically tapping at the buttons on the controller and pushed it from his hand.

Makoto sighed deeply and Haruka could feel Makoto's breath tickle his neck.

"We haven't talked in ages;" Makoto said softly.

Haruka just grunted, what did Makoto expect him to say? He twisted his head away when he felt Makoto toy with a few strands of hair. "Stop it," he muttered in annoyance.

"You used to love it when I played with your hair when we were little," Makoto smiled gleefully, ignoring Haruka's demand and twirling his fingers into Haruka's hair more.

Haruka turned his head to face his best friend. "What do you want?" he snapped while he didn't mean to.

"I already told you what I want, do I need to repeat myself?" Makoto smirked and even threw in a flirty wink.

Haruka could feel his blood boil and he pushed Makoto back as hard as he could, considering Makoto was a lot stronger. "I don't want you!" He yelled, louder than he intended and Makoto tumbled off the bed.

Haruka hated himself for being a little bit worried because the crash Makoto made seemed painful. He glanced over towards Makoto and he could see the shimmer in those emerald eyes. He knew exactly what was on Makoto's mind, he didn't even need words to understand this time.

Haruka glared at the olive-haired male, heaped on the floor next to his bed. "You are my best friend or did you forget that?" Haruka growled loudly hoping that Makoto would finally snap out of whatever it was that was consuming him.

Haruka turned on his side, his back facing Makoto, indicating that the conversation was over. He was a little bothered by the smirk that Makoto had plastered across his face. It was the omen of trouble…

* * *

_It's been forty seven days since Haruka snapped at Rei for asking what was wrong._

It was rather surprising that the others didn't seem to pick up on the tension between Haruka and Makoto. After a little while, the tension picked up even more and the others could finally tell something was up. Makoto was doing much better than Haruka, who struggled to converse with his best friend when asked direct questions. Haruka was sure that Makoto was tormenting him on purpose; Makoto would joke and laugh as he always had, amazing Haruka with his ability to pretend that their precious friendship wasn't falling apart. When Haruka thought about it, that was probably what tore him up the most.

Naturally it was Haruka who gave it away, and naturally it was Rei who asked. Haruka had calmly told him to fuck off, and Rei never asked again.

_It's been forty five days since Makoto crawled into Haruka's bed._

"What the hell?" Haruka blinked sleepily as he felt someone pushing up against his back. He struggled to turn over in the tiny bed and groaned once he had succeeded.

"The fuck are you doing here Makoto?" Haruka asked, looking at the olive-haired male with an annoyed expression on his face. Makoto once more spend the night at Haruka's house and Makoto had tried to sleep in the guest room but he had had a nightmare and he wanted to be safe in Haruka's arms. When they were younger, Haruka always held him when he had a nightmare so Makoto pretended that this was just like old times.

"I had a bad dream," Makoto replied, sounding spooked. He tugged at the blanket until Haruka let it slip and Makoto curled up against Haruka's chest.

"Do you really need to be here?" Haruka snapped, trying to flatten himself up against the wall in an attempt to put distance between them.

"I just want to sleep." Makoto muttered, sounding hurt. He yawned into Haruka's chest and threw his arm over Haruka's waist, keeping the raven-haired male safely trapped. Haruka wanted to push him away but he simply couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to fight it, his natural instinct to provide his best friend comfort was getting in the way.

"What was the nightmare about?" Haruka asked softly, brushing Makoto's bangs out of the way.

"You."

"Oh?"

"You were drowning and when I tried to help, it was too late," Makoto explained.

"I see," Haruka muttered, faintly recalling the time where Haruka was the one who had to rescue Makoto from drowning. Ever since, it was Haruka's biggest fear even if he would never admit that.

Makoto didn't reply and Haruka wondered if his best friend had fallen back asleep.

"Just because you had a nightmare doesn't mean you can get all over me," Haruka muttered, squirming at the feel of Makoto's skin pressed up against his bare torso

There was still no reply and Haruka sighed. _Convenient._

He yawned and tried to get back to sleep himself, though it was difficult with Makoto in such close proximity, embracing him so intimately. A month ago when Makoto had done the exact same thing Haruka had thought nothing of it, but that was _before_.

There was complete silence for a few minutes before Makoto decided to speak up again.

"I don't know why you try to push me away."

Haruka froze, so Makoto had just been pretending to be asleep. Well two could play that game. He shut his eyes swiftly and stayed silent for the rest of the night.

* * *

_It's been forty three days since Haruka got in trouble for not speaking to Makoto._

"What is going on with you?"

Haruka frowned up at his manager. "What?"

"What? What do you mean, what?" Kou's voice jumped up an octave with every word. "What is going on with you and Makoto-sempai?"

Haruka's stomach dropped and he clenched the fence at the poolside tightly. "Nothing's going on!" Haruka was horrified. "We aren't doing anything!"

"Exactly," Kou spat at him. "You aren't even talking and you need to sort it out now. Everyone has noticed and as far as I can see it's you that's ignoring him."

Haruka gasped out a breath he didn't know he was holding as relief flooded through him. Then he was faced with the immediate problem of explaining why he was barely talking to his best friend. It was stupid of him really, to think that no one else was paying attention to the obvious rift that had formed between himself and Makoto. Up until that point, Haruka thought that he was doing ok; trying his best to appear normal at practice, swimming his laps and maintaining his form. Now here he was at the poolside with Kou breathing fire down his neck.

They'd taken a few minutes break-time and in front of everyone, Kou had stormed off to corner Haruka and confront him about his shitty behaviour. Haruka sighed deeply, he didn't know what to say to his manager. It was killing him that he couldn't talk to anyone about what was wrong. Before this, he always had Makoto to talk to but his best friend had taken that away from him with just a few shocking sentences. Haruka kicked the fence in frustration, he fucking missed Haruka, it was actually painful not having his best friend there as he'd always been.

He wondered if he should say something to Kou. It would be embarrassing but then he wouldn't be the one to blame for the obvious tension. Haruka pictured the look on Makoto's face and Haruka realised he could never hurt Makoto on purpose, even if he wanted to. He figured that if he ever told anyone, it would probably separate them even more and his heart jumped painfully in his chest at the thought. No, he could never let that happen.

Feeling shocked at himself for even entertaining the thought, Haruka backed away from the fence quickly. He turned his back on his manager and started walking back to the pool.

"Sort it out Haruka-sempai." Kou sighed deeply.

Haruka dove into the pool and he let the cool water caress his body. When he breached the surface of the water, Makoto stood at the edge of the pool, holding out his hand.

"What was that about?" Makoto's eyes were wide, shocked that Haruka had just received a scolding from Kou. Haruka blinked at the genuine concern on his best friend's face, and for just a moment, he felt like things were back to normal.

"Nothing," Haruka replied, taking the hand that was offered to him.

He felt Makoto stiffen a little, not used to having Haruka so close, it made Haruka a little sad. But then Makoto grinned widely at him, and Haruka couldn't help but smile back. It was the last time he'd look Makoto in the eye that day, but it was something.

* * *

_It's been forty days since Haruka nearly told someone._

Haruka stared down at the phone vibrating in his hand, debating over whether he should answer it. After four rings he quickly hit the button and held the phone up to his ear.

"Hey Rin, what's up?" He tried to keep his tone light.

"Hey! Not much, just thought I'd check in and see how you guys are."

Haruka nodded, though it was pointless. "We're good, practice is good, everything's fine," he said in a rush.

Rin laughed. "D'you have to be somewhere or something? What's wrong?"

Haruka sighed. "It's just, you know, stress and everything."

"Stress from the practice? Is Kou pushing you to your limits again?" Rin laughed a little and Haruka smiled meekly. If only it was something as simple as that.

"No not really, I haven't been feeling all that well the past few days," Haruka said quickly.

"Is Makoto helping you?" Rin asked.

Haruka's stomach dropped. "What? Why would he? What do you mean?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end and Haruka sucked in a breath.

"Um, because he's Makoto and he's your best friend and he's supposed to look out for you?" Rin's reply was more of a question than an answer. "Seriously, is everything okay?"

Haruka released the breath and struggled to compose himself. "Has Makoto ever said anything…weird to you?"

Rin laughed and it was an odd sound to Haruka.

"It's Makoto, _everything_ he says to me is weird," Rin snorted.

"I mean, about me?" Haruka said immediately.

Rin paused again.

"About you? No? Why, have you done something? Are you guys fighting?" Rin questioned him.

"Not exactly," Haruka mumbled, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He was dying to tell Rin, to get it all off his chest. "He's just been acting a bit strange."

"Well, you know how Makoto can be, he's probably stressed out about school and other things." Rin added his two cents as to why Makoto might be behaving a bit weird.

Haruka frowned. "It's not that, it's…" He trailed off, something catching his eye. He looked up and jumped up a little as he saw his Makoto leaning in the doorway of the locker room. "It's nothing. Hey, I have to go."

"Nothing? Wait, it doesn't sound like nothing," Rin said, sounding worried. "Talk to me."

"I can't," Haruka replied, looking down at where he was swinging his feet back and forth. "We'll talk later okay?"

Rin reluctantly agreed and Haruka ended the call, still not looking up at Makoto. He wondered how long his best friend had been standing there, watching, listening.

"Feeling stressed Haru-chan?"

_That long.  
_  
"I bet I could help you relieve some of that."

Haruka closed his eyes and then stood, feeling shaky and disoriented. Makoto made his head spin like the worst kind of drug. He approached him carefully.

"I bet you could." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and Makoto looked as surprised as Haruka felt.

Shaking his head and feeling the heat spread over his cheeks, Haruka pushed past Makoto and all but ran outside to look for Rei and Nagisa.

_It's been thirty nine days since Makoto first kissed Haruka on the lips._

**A/N: I wanted to try something different and this happened. It'll probably be a few chapters long, kind of like my other short story 'What would Makoto do?' Next chapters will contain a few smutty parts :) Thanks for reading!**

**Lots of love!**


	2. Part II

**Whisper to Me Part II**

_It's been thirty nine days since Makoto first kissed Haruka_ on_ the lips._

"What's wrong?" Makoto asked softly as to not to disturb Haruka too much.

Haruka looked up from his wringing hands and squinted at his best friend. "What?" Haruka snapped a little but by now Makoto was sort of used to it. Ever since he dropped the bomb on the raven-haired male, Haruka's replies were curt and distant. Haruka was never much of a talker but still, Makoto could clearly see the shift in his behaviour.

"I'm just a bit nervous, that's all," Haruka muttered. He didn't really want to admit that it was because he was alone with Makoto right now. Nagisa and Rei were going to come over for a fun movie night but they hadn't arrived yet and somehow, Makoto's presence was nerve-wrecking for Haruka. He would never admit it because then he would have to explain exactly why he was so nervous.

"Nervous?" Makoto teased and Haruka opened his mouth to form a reply but he never got the chance to say something.

Haruka tensed when Makoto's hands suddenly appeared on either side of his face. Makoto was crouching over him and before Haruka could ask what the fuck he was doing, Makoto leaned in and placed his mouth over Haruka's, sucking and licking Haruka's lips.

Startled, Haruka grabbed both of Makoto's wrists and opened his mouth to protest. He pushed Makoto away when he felt the olive-haired male invade his mouth, tongue flicking over his teeth.

"The fuck are you doing Makoto?!" Haruka gasped, gaping at his best friend. How could he do such a thing? Didn't Makoto realise what he was doing?

Haruka wanted to say so much more but he was distracted by the door opening and Rei and Nagisa trodding into the room loudly, talking about needing drinks and finger-food.

Makoto calmly sat back on the sofa and waited for Haruka to turn and look at him. Makoto smiled sweetly, pretending like the kiss was normal.

"Still nervous?" Makoto teased and Haruka simply gaped, blinking his eyes because this did not just happen.

Haruka watched as Makoto got up and flounced over to the other two, happy as you please. Haruka was utterly stunned. He felt like he should react more; yell or run away, perhaps even punch Makoto. Instead, he sat back and watched as the other's helped themselves to drinks and snacks. Nagisa gave Haruka a glass with a wide smile on his face and Haruka took it, sipping at it dumbly.

The evening passed in a daze and the only thing Haruka could remember when he was laying in his bed was that damn fucking kiss.

* * *

_It's been thirty seven days since Haruka got caught staring._

Haruka had seen his best friend naked many times in their lives, more times than he could ever count or remember. But that was all before Makoto had fucked everything up with his confessions of love, lust and any other strange things that may have been running around in his brain that Haruka didn't want to think about.

Haruka was casually picking up a towel from the locker-room and then Makoto pranced in, clad in his tight swimming trunks. Haruka tried to put his focus on his locker and stuff but it was so hard. Makoto was bending over as he dropped his goggles and Haruka could do nothing but stare at Makoto's behind as the boy was bent over.

"Uhm, Haru, you do realise you're checking out Makoto's ass," Rin barked and Haruka wanted to die of embarrassment. He had forgotten they had invited Rin for practice and leave it to Rin to jump up from out of nowhere to startle you.

Haruka chocked a little and he tried to remain calm and composed but his face was heating up so badly that it was a little hard.

Makoto straightened up and turned to look at where Haruka had flushed bright red.

"Fuck you Rin," Haruka snapped and he seriously wanted to land one on Rin's face but that would only make Makoto's grin spread wider and wider. _Please let me die…_

Makoto laughed and Haruka turned away, plucking at things in his locker. Haruka wouldn't be Haruka if he didn't ignore everyone for the rest of the day. He didn't even glance at Rin or Makoto once and he wasn't on planning on doing so for days. Why did Rin also have to start teasing him? Wasn't everything so messed up already? How do you deal with the fact that your best friend suddenly has feelings for you?

* * *

_It's been thirty six days since Makoto stole Haruka's mackerel._

Haruka had been so hungry and when he returned from school, he just wanted to snack on the most delicious fish in the entire world. All of his friends had come along since they were planning on holding a study session but Makoto was obviously being a tease and Haruka was starting to get really frustrated with his behaviour.

"Give it back you dick!" Haruka spluttered, eyeing the package of fish in Makoto's hands. Haruka was too hungry and too tired to deal with this.

"Make me," Makoto whispered, smirking down at him.

"Oh god Makoto, just give it back to him before the boy passes out from hunger," Rin said with an obvious roll of his eyes.

Haruka tried snatching the package from where Makoto dangled it in front of him but Makoto was too quick, whipping it away before he could grab it.

"Makoto," Haruka growled, gritting his teeth.

Makoto sauntered away with the package of fish, appearing to inspect it closely like it was the first time Makoto had ever seen mackerel. Makoto smiled at Haruka and he even dared to throw in a teasing wink.

"I don't know why you like mackerel so much, what's so special about it?" Makoto said, his smile only growing wider and more mischievous.

"What so special about green curry?" Haruka huffed, face heating up.

"What would it take to make you stop eating it?" Makoto asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Haruka marched over to his best friend angrily. "Just give it back Makoto." Haruka's hand just missed the package as Makoto held it up high, just a little too high for Haruka to reach.

"I'm taller than you, remember?" Makoto said breathily, grinning at him as he stood up on his tip toes, clearly stressing the fact that he was the tallest. As if Haruka needed a reminder that Makoto had outgrown him all those years back.

Haruka heard Nagisa's giggle in the corner and he glared at Makoto, Haruka's face just inches away from Makoto's. He could see that Makoto wanted him to really react but Haruka wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Fine, keep it," Haruka snapped, spinning on his heels and stomping back towards the kitchen.

Makoto rolled his eyes and he followed Haruka into the kitchen, setting the fish down on the countertop.

"Quit being such a baby," Makoto teased and Haruka could feel fury boil in his body.

"Quit being such a dick," Haruka snatched the fish, throwing it into the frying pan to finally prepare his snack.

"You should really eat something else, why do you always eat mackerel?" Makoto prodded him, ignoring the insult that Haruka had just thrown at him. Makoto pretended that he didn't care but he did and deep down, it hurt.

Haruka shrugged. "What does it matter?

"Do you like mackerel more than me?" Makoto asked, hoping to close the obvious gap in their friendship. They were drifting apart but Makoto didn't seem to realise that he wasn't helping at all.

"What the fuck kind of question is that?" Haruka spat, his face beginning to turn an embarrassing shade of scarlet.

"I'm just saying, if you had to choose between me or the fish, which would you choose? Makoto crossed his arms, kneeing Haruka gently to coax an answer out of the boy.

Haruka wanted to reply but a loud snort from the redhead stopped him.

"That's a really tough choice," Rin mused, stroking a non-existent beard and pretending to be deep in thought.

"Wait," Nagisa suddenly piped up. "Does he have to choose to have mackerel only once a week or never have it again?"

Rin and Nagisa cackled at their jokes, oblivious to Haruka's annoyance. On an ordinary day he would have found Nagisa and Rin funny but Haruka never seemed to have ordinary days any more.

"You already know the answer," Haruka mumbled, glancing at the sizzling fish in the pan.

"Mackerel," Rin whispered to Nagisa, who nodded with a wink, resulting in a new round of giggles.

Haruka ignored them, sliding the fish on a plate to join his friends in the living room. Haruka's sapphire gems flicked over at Makoto, who just beamed back at him.

There had never been a doubt in his mind that he would ever choose mackerel over Makoto. Hell, there was nothing he would choose over Makoto.

* * *

_It's been thirty two days since Haruka fell asleep on Makoto's shoulder._

It was completely unintentional of course, Haruka was exhausted after practice but Rin insisted that they all come down at the Samezuka Academy since it was poker night. Of course, Haruka could care less about some silly card game but Rin had insisted and Haruka agreed. Nagisa and Rei seemed to be enjoying themselves and Makoto sat on Rin's bunk, just enjoying the spectacle in front of him. Haruka took a seat beside his best friend and it was then that his eyes drooped and his head rested on Makoto's shoulder, letting sleep take over his foggy mind.

He was dreaming though it was more of a nightmare actually. Haruka relived that fateful night during their summer practice. Wave after wave was crashing down on his friends but his feet didn't seem to move. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move and he could see Rei and Makoto struggle to keep their head above the surface of the water. Nagisa was clutching Haruka's arm and even that wasn't enough to make him move. His eyes were pinned on Makoto, who desperately tried to keep enough air in his lungs. Haruka could see water dribble from Makoto's mouth and he still couldn't do a damn thing. Haruka finally found the power to move but by the time he reached Makoto, it was too late. The boy didn't move anymore and to top it all off, Nagisa and Rei were hit by a massive wave, taking them both under water, never to resurface again. Haruka clutched Makoto's body to his own but the only thing he could hear was Makoto's soft voice in his mind.

"It's all your fault…"

After a while, the voice became louder and louder, screaming at him that he was to blame for this.

* * *

Haruka jolted awake with a gasp, panicking in the unfamiliar room, unsure of where he was.

"Hey," Makoto whispered softly, just like in his dream.

Haruka jerked his head up so he could make out Makoto's face peering at him, illuminated by the soft light in Rin's room. Then he remembered, they were in Rin's room and he had fallen asleep.

"Bad dream?" Makoto whispered again.

Haruka looked down and realised he had a handful of Makoto's hoodie clenched tightly in his fist. He released it instantly and willed is heart to stop pounding. He nodded, answering Makoto's question.

"Well, I think they're almost finished with their game and then we'll go home," Makoto murmured. "You got drool on me."

Haruka could just make out the wet patch on Makoto's shoulder and connected it with the dryness in his mouth as he realised he had fallen asleep on his best friend.

"Sorry," he muttered, trying to press himself to the left a little, away from Makoto.

"It's okay," Makoto replied, smiling.

Haruka looked towards the rest of his friends and they all seemed fine. Nagisa was giggling like a little school girl, Rin was smirking and Rei was probably calculating his next move. Everything was as it should be, as it always was. Haruka and Makoto sitting next to each other, invading each other's space. It was all as it should be and yet Haruka had never felt more out of place. He was shaken from his nightmare, on edge with Makoto so close and he couldn't believe he'd let his guard down enough to fall asleep on him. It was usually Makoto who ended up asleep on Haruka.

He frowned as Makoto laid his head down on his shoulder and Haruka fought the urge to shove him away. It would only be for a little while and maybe he was just a little bit relieved that Makoto was there, safe and sound. Haruka looked down at the mass of sandy-coloured hair and he felt the familiar tugging in his belly, he longed for the days when things between them were perfect, normal. He missed Makoto like crazy and couldn't shake the feeling that it was just a stranger with him then, one who looked like his best friend, talked like him but he could never be Makoto, not Haruka's Makoto.

As he continued watching his friend, Haruka mused over the fact that he was missing someone who never left, someone who was there more than ever. Makoto wanted to give him everything and all Haruka wanted was the piece that rightfully belonged to him and yet not nearly enough. The only thing he wanted was to have his best friend back.

* * *

_It's been thirty one days since Makoto flirted with someone else._

Haruka didn't know why a girl that pretty was working in the convenience store in this small town. He had noticed her the moment he'd walked in, set on getting him an ice-pop that he could share with Makoto. Haruka wasn't the only one to notice however, Makoto had already been inside the supermarket for a bit before Haruka finally entered the shop. Haruka could see that Makoto was engaged in a conversation with the girl.

Haruka could hear the girl's laughter as he trudged down the small aisles, looking for the freezers. As he neared the check-out, Haruka looked up and caught Makoto's emerald gems. Makoto smiled at him before turning back to the girl and whispering something that Haruka couldn't hear.

Haruka picked up his pace and marched over to Makoto. Haruka dumped the ice-pop down in front of the girl.

"I was here first," Makoto complained.

"Yeah well, you're taking forever," Haruka muttered. "Hurry up."

"Excuse my friend, he's very rude."

The girl just winked at Makoto and Haruka frowned when he saw her hand linger a little too long over Makoto's as he handed her money to pay.

As they got back outside, Haruka heard Rin muttering about how long they had taken.

"Makoto was drooling over the cashier," Haruka sniped.

Just as Haruka wanted to continue walking home, Makoto's hand grabbed Haruka's and he smirked at the raven-haired male.

"What's the matter? Jealous?" Makoto smirked and Haruka wanted to wipe that smirk off his face so badly right now.

Haruka simply huffed and unwrapped his ice-pop. He didn't even ask Makoto if he wanted a part, like Haruka would ever talk to Makoto again when he so openly flirted with some dumb girl. Haruka didn't want to be jealous but the fact that she touched Makoto's hand, made Haruka feel things he didn't want to feel. He would never admit it but he can't stand the idea of anyone touching Makoto.

Haruka didn't have the right to hog Makoto but he had never had to share him either. Haruka could never share his best friend and why should he? Wasn't Makoto supposed to have feelings for him?

_It's been thirty days since Haruka first thought of Makoto as he came._


	3. Part III

**_Whisper to Me Part III_**

**A/N: There is some smut in this chapter so if you don't like it, don't read it ;)**

**Have fun with this chapter!**

* * *

_It's been thirty days since Haruka first thought of Makoto as he came._

It started out just like any other innocent sexy event. Haruka was flat on his back in his bed, unable to sleep because his mind was still kicking about even though his body wanted to rest. It was late, the only sounds he could hear came from outside, the soft rustling of trees in the wind, small animals that still scurried around, it was a really peaceful and rather quiet night. In his mind he was replaying the conversation in the showers after practice. Rin had been there as well and the redhead often boasted about his sexual conquests and it often annoyed Haruka to death. Even so, Makoto had also said a few things that made Haruka flush even when he didn't want to. The thought of Makoto doing anything sexual with anyone else made Haruka feel sick inside. He didn't really know if Makoto was joking or not but a huge part of Haruka hoped so. He didn't want to imagine anyone touching Makoto at all. Haruka had stayed silent during the conversation, trying to keep his mind set on simple things like washing himself or rinsing out the shampoo from his hair. However, it was hard since Makoto was so close and the things they were discussing were…

Haruka couldn't really believe that someone as innocent as Makoto had discussed these kinds of things so openly. Haruka had tossed and turned over it for hours before finally deciding that he needed a distraction from thinking at all. He reached down into his boxer shorts and started rolling his cock between his fingers, focusing as hard as he could on the sensation. It didn't take him long to get fully hard; a guy knew how to work his own dick better than anyone else and even if Haruka didn't really do this all that often, his fingers were magical. In the past Haruka had experimented with Rin but neither of them had ever discussed it, so it was a well-kept secret between the two friends. Occasionally, they would go at it again but it was becoming quite a rare event. It had been weeks now and Haruka realised it was because he was so messed up by Makoto. Having sex with Rin would simply not be enough to take his mind off his best friend. Sometimes, Haruka wondered what it would do with Makoto if the olive-haired male caught Rin and him in the throes of passion. It would probably hurt Makoto and a part of Haruka actually really wanted to hurt his best friend.

The grip he had on his cock was almost painful, Haruka was pumping himself for all he was worth and cursing his best friend for fucking things up so badly. Haruka didn't have to be quiet and for once, he let go of all the sounds that bubbled up in his throat. The conversation in the showers invaded his thoughts once again and Haruka tugged furiously at his length. The angrier he got, the harder he pulled and he knew it wouldn't take long.

He grunted as his balls tightened between his legs, gasping as the memory of Makoto in the shower flashed in his mind. Face flushed for more than one reason, Haruka spilled into his hand with a sharp cry, shuddering as he imagined Makoto's naked body next to him, squirming under his expertly moving hands.

"Oh no," Haruka mumbled as he turned his head and buried his burning face into the pillow. "No no no no."

He curled up tightly in his bed, shaking as the tingling aftershocks of his orgasm began to dissipate. "Fuck you, Makoto," he whispered to himself. "Fuck you for putting that shit in my head."

* * *

_It's been twenty nine days since Haruka gave Makoto his favourite pair of boxer shorts._

Haruka only owned one pair of boxers shorts that were too loose on him. He didn't often wear them but when it was hot outside, Haruka loved the fact that they were loose and didn't add more heat than necessary. Needless to say that because they were loose on Haruka, they were a perfect fit for a certain olive-haired male.

Haruka hadn't wanted to give his favourite pair of boxers to Makoto, he didn't even plan it. But when Haruka couldn't find his lucky pair of satin blue boxer shorts and stumbled across Makoto wearing them, he hadn't wanted them back. The two friends had a lot of problems brewing between them but Makoto still spent a lot of nights at Haruka's house. Haruka was casually rummaging through his drawers when Makoto walked into his bedroom, fresh out of the tub.

"Jesus!"

Haruka gaped when Makoto strolled into the room, wearing nothing but Haruka's boxers. His body was still slightly wet and Haruka could see several drops of water rolling over those rock-hard abs.

"Makoto, those better not be mine," Haruka pointed at the boxer shorts and then he mentally slapped himself because he had been staring at a certain part of Makoto's body.

Makoto tilted his head but he kept his mouth shut, a blush slowly creeping over his face and body.

"Makoto!" Haruka shouted, exasperated by the actions of the boy. It was simply becoming more ridiculous by the minute. Not even his own underwear was safe now!

"Sorry," he heard Makoto squeak.

"Please tell me this is the first time," Haruka groaned.

"Um..."

"Ugh."

"Do you want me to take them off again?" Makoto asked, his fingers already hooked under the waistband. Haruka's eyes widened and a look of pure shock was plastered on his face.

"Keep them!" Haruka screwed his face up and desperately dug around in his drawers to find a new pair.

* * *

_It's been twenty seven days since Haruka kissed Rin._

Haruka had had enough. He wasn't some guy who wanted to have sex all the time but the sexual tension in his body had become so unbearable that he desperately sought release. Rin wouldn't even think about it anyway since it wouldn't be the first time. They weren't really emotionally connected and in the beginning Haruka was even sceptical about this arrangement but now it just seemed like a very good idea to hook up with the redhead. They decided to go to a bar and Haruka leapt at the chance. He wasn't much of a drinker but when Makoto said he wouldn't be joining them, Haruka thought this was the perfect opportunity.

With his best friend not around, Haruka felt the most relaxed he had in a long while, throwing backs drinks almost as quickly as they were being served to him. Rin and Nagisa weren't lagging far behind.

The blond quickly gave up the drinking game and decided it was a good time to go home. He didn't want to be too drunk considering Rei wasn't much of a fan when it came to alcohol. As soon as Nagisa left the bar, Haruka allowed himself a few hours of fun flirtation before finally leaving the bar with Rin. They didn't need to flirt with each other but sometimes, it was just what Haruka needed to really feel his body burn with desire.

The walk home was filled with Rin's giggles and at times, Haruka enjoyed the joyous moments he was sharing with Rin but those moments were also filled with gut-ripping guilt. Sometimes, Haruka even pretended it was Makoto who was giggling next to him, looping his arm through his and stumbling back home. Haruka tried to forget the fact that Makoto was not with him but it was hard, especially when they walked right past Makoto's house.

Haruka fished out the his key from his pocket but Rin apparently decided he already wanted a taste. He pushed Haruka against the door, plunging his tongue right into Haruka's mouth.

Haruka let it happen, he had just enough alcohol in him to push aside the thoughts of anyone seeing what was happening and right then, it was everything he needed – almost… They pulled apart for some air and Rin backed off so Haruka could open the door.

The smile fell from his face as he spotted the last person he wanted to see right then, standing in the middle of the living room. Makoto had a key to Haruka's house and apparently, Makoto wanted to check whether Haruka had made it back in one piece. Rin had thrown his arms around Haruka's neck, attacking that sensitive column of skin. Rin didn't see Makoto standing there given that he was facing the boy with his back. Haruka's stomach dropped at the obvious hurt etched across Makoto's features as his best friend stood there dumbly, still processing exactly what was going on between Rin and Haruka.

Rin moved his lips and soon, Haruka felt Rin's lips against his own. Haruka did kiss back but it was with a lot less enthusiasm. Haruka never closed his eyes and he saw Makoto running away through the backdoor and Rin never knew they had a visitor. Haruka felt confused; hadn't he wanted to hurt his best friend? He decided right then that the reality of doing that to Makoto was a lot more difficult than he had ever thought it could be and Haruka had to force himself to kiss Rin back with more vigour because otherwise the redhead might notice that something was horribly off.

Haruka took a deep breath and he led Rin upstairs towards his bedroom, reminding himself that this was what he needed and that it was Makoto's own fault anyway; if Makoto hadn't let his feelings get carried away then none of this would be bothering him now.

As soon as they got inside the bedroom, Haruka pushed Rin onto the bed and yanked his t-shirt up over his head. Rin never was one to take things slow so within a minute, the redhead was completely naked, eyes blazing with lust and want, waiting for Haruka to join him and have some fun. Haruka let his eyes dart over Rin's body and he loved what he saw. Rin had a gorgeous body and that snarky face just made the picture even more perfect. Rin was perfect in every way and yet, Haruka couldn't deny that there was one person that was even more perfect, easily worth the first place in any sort of 'beauty' competition. Haruka dropped his pants, kicking them away from his feet and repeated the process with his boxer shorts until he was completely bare.

Haruka sighed as he crawled up and stretched over the redhead, sliding his chest over Rin's and loving the feel of Rin against him. Rin wrapped his legs around his waist and nibbled at his chin until he finally kissed the boy with the crimson eyes.

Rin's mouth was hot and wet and those delicious lips were doing everything to make Haruka's body burn with anticipation. He savoured every moment, every kiss, every nibble and every bite. He knew his neck would be covered in bruises but he didn't care, he was finally doing something _normal._ Rin was also Haruka's friend but he wasn't his best friend and to Haruka, doing anything sexual with his best friend was simply out of the question, he didn't deem it to be normal at all!

Haruka's stomach still felt unsettled and he knew it was because of Makoto. He couldn't get the image of Makoto's face from his mind, but he was going to damn well try.

Rin's body beneath Haruka arched up as he slid down and placed his mouth over one of those perky nipples, teasing it with his lips and tongue. A soft moan slipped passed Rin's lips as Haruka turned his attention to the other nipple.

It was perfect, he couldn't have asked for better because Rin was pretty good between the sheets. It only took a few minutes of messing around that Haruka realised that something was amiss and he wasn't the only one to notice.

"Haru, is something wrong?" Rin titled his head to the side as he gripped Haruka's chin, urging the boy to look at him

Haruka stilled when he felt Rin wrap his hand around his cock, which hung limply between his legs.

"No, it's fine," Haruka assured the redhead, rubbing himself against the insides of Rin's thigh. He was panicking though because it was _not_ fine, it was far from fine to say the least. Haruka would normally be rock hard by this stage but now…

Haruka let himself be pushed over on to his back and Rin immediately went to work on his cock, alternating between his hands and mouth. Haruka couldn't understand what was wrong; it wasn't that it didn't feel good because fuck it did. His cock just would not come to the party. He saw the way Rin's brows knitted together in determination and Haruka couldn't help but be reminded of Makoto. The look of determination and focus on Makoto's face was one of the most beautiful expressions Makoto could have and Haruka couldn't help but think that Makoto would really have no problems getting Haruka hard.

"Fuck," Haruka whispered to himself, feeling sick as the thought flashed for just a split second in his mind. How could he have been thinking about Makoto right then? He cursed his best friend for being a fucking cock blocker without even being anywhere near them.

Haruka sighed, all thoughts of Makoto leaving him feeling drained and not anywhere close to being in the mood any more. He threw Rin an apologetic look as he finally pulled away, sitting back in defeat.

Rin flopped back down on his back. "It's me, isn't it?"

Haruka rolled his eyes. "Fuck no, it's not you." His eyes slid over Rin's naked body regretfully and he silently cursed his stupid dick for passing up the opportunity to get inside the redhead. "It's not even me," Haruka added softly.

"Maybe you had too much to drink?" Rin offered.

"That's probably it," Haruka replied, knowing it wasn't the explanation.

Haruka sat back on his bed as Rin picked up his clothes and started to get dressed again. Haruka wanted to talk to Rin more and explain what was wrong but he simply couldn't. This was already painful and embarrassing enough and Haruka didn't feel the need to explain that thoughts of Makoto turned this night into a disaster.

"Catch you tomorrow?" Rin added as he slipped on his jacket.

"Come here," Haruka motioned and Rin sat down next to him. The redhead smiled at him and Haruka nuzzled his neck, placing a gentle kiss.

"You're still the sexiest," Haruka muttered and Rin chuckled softly.

"Goodnight Haru," Rin whispered softly, pressing a really soft kiss on Haruka's lips. Haruka slumped back on the bed and Rin left the bedroom, making his way outside to go back to his own house.

Haruka rolled off his bed and then made his way to his bathroom, a good soak would probably wash away all his problems. The hot water was soothing and Haruka slumped back a bit, finally feeling his body relax as he closed his eyes.

* * *

Haruka opened his eyes and he blinked a few times, the water had gone cold and Haruka couldn't even remember the last time he fell asleep in his tub. He got up and quickly dried himself off. He cursed as he noticed that he didn't bring his clothes into the bathroom. He tied the towel around his waist and then made his way to his bedroom again. He blinked as he noticed the lights were still on, he was sure he turned them off when he left.

"Hi."

Haruka jumped at the greeting and spun to see Makoto sitting calmly on his bed.

"What are you doing here?" Haruka demanded, Makoto was just going too far.

"I just wanted to check you were okay," Makoto muttered. He hated the fact that he now had to have a reason to visit Haruka. In the past, it didn't matter when he came in but now he always had to justify his visits.

"Oh." Haruka shook his head, trying to clear it.

"Did you have fun?" Makoto asked, looking at Haruka's bedside table as if it was the most fascinating object in the room.

"No, I didn't," Haruka said honestly.

"Really?" Makoto's attention had been caught, he looked up at that. "How come?"

"None of your business," Haruka replied gruffly.

Haruka picked up his boxers shorts and pants and he looked at Makoto with a blank expression. Makoto rolled his eyes and flopped down on the bed, keeping his eyes away so that the boy could get dressed.

"It's fine," Haruka mumbled and Makoto turned on his side, his emerald gems catching Haruka's sapphire ones. Haruka held Makoto's gaze for a long time, neither of them speaking. Haruka couldn't escape the feeling that anything he might say at this point could change something, maybe everything, so instead Haruka simply said nothing.

* * *

_It's been twenty five days since Makoto asked Haruka if he would still die for him._

They made a pinky promise when they were younger and Haruka was determined to keep it. Makoto was often bullied when they were smaller and Haruka always stuck around to protect him. To Haruka, it didn't matter that the bullies were taller and stronger than he was. He would die protecting Makoto so giving up his own life was something Haruka would do for his best friend, he would even do it gladly.

The question had taken him off guard, though he should have been used to that. He looked up from where he was standing next to his stove and he blinked at Makoto a few times. Makoto was watching him intently, his mood unreadable as he shoved a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth.

"I'm already dying for you," Haruka said softly, turning his attention to the sizzling fish in the pan.

During the rest of their breakfast, Haruka pretended not to notice Makoto was watching him closely, eyes sparkling bright.

* * *

_It's been twenty three days since Makoto got into Haruka's shower._

Haruka was enjoying his afternoon shower at his house so much. He didn't feel like soaking in the tub so he opted for a warm shower, loving how the streams of water would massage his whole body.

He'd been under the water a good ten minutes, already lathered himself up fully, when all of a sudden he found he had company.

He opened his mouth to ask what the hell his best friend was doing but found he couldn't even form the words. Haruka just gaped as Makoto pushed his way into the shower, completely naked and oblivious to the awkward tension he was creating.

"What the fuck? Makoto get out!" Haruka finally spluttered, thrusting a hand down to cover himself and keeping his own eyes strictly above Makoto's shoulders.

"I can't!" Makoto almost yelled. "Dad had to shut down the water because we have a leak!"

"Yeah right." Haruka mumbled.

"Go check for yourself if you want." Makoto replied, hands reaching out behind Haruka to grab the shampoo.

"So then fucking wait!" Haruka shouted, his ears turning bright red.

Makoto shook his head frantically, squirting a dollop of shampoo on the top of his head. "I need to be somewhere and I just wanted to take a shower, please Haru," Makoto pleaded as he massaged the shampoo onto his hair.

Haruka banged his head against the shower wall in frustration. There went his nice relaxing afternoon.

"Still, you can't fucking walk in on me in the shower," Haruka grumbled.

"Oh fuck off Haru, we've showered together heaps, we do it all the time at the pool."

"But then we're not alone," Haruka replied, trying to keep his eyes fixed on Makoto's face.

"Even so, we've done this when we were alone as well, stop fussing over nothing," Makoto answered, his eyes locking with Haruka's.

"That was before," Haruka said stiffly.

"Before what?" Makoto asked, hurriedly soaping up his underarms.

Haruka paused, did Makoto really need to ask? He decided that now was the time to be blunt, it was time to be honest and get an honest response from his best friend.

"Before you wanted me," he replied bravely.

Makoto laughed, and Haruka wanted nothing more than to punch his best friend right in the face. Though it just got worse when Makoto spoke.

"Oh Haru, did you really think there was a _before_?"

Haruka felt as if he were going to suffocate in the tiny space as the meaning of Makoto's words sunk in. Without replying, he pushed his way past Makoto and all but ran from the bathroom.

_It's been twenty one days since Haruka took his best friend's virginity._

**A/N: So sorry for the slow updates! Work has been taking up all of my time! I do hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**Lots of love!**


	4. Part IV

**Whisper to Me Part IV**

**A/N: This chapter is basically smut so if you don't really want to read that… Well then, please don't! If you do want to read it, enjoy!**

_It's been twenty one days since Haruka took his best friend's virginity._

They were drinking at Haruka's house, all five of them. Five guys, a bottle of vodka and three bottles of wine. Both Haruka and Makoto had stuck to the vodka, neither of them could handle wine very well and they were both extreme light weights when it came to alcohol, especially Makoto. Rin had drunken the most, polishing off one and a half bottles of wine before attacking the vodka that Haruka and Makoto barely touched.

"Nagisa," Haruka whined. "Don't let Rin drink anymore."

"Yeah," Makoto chimed in. "He's going to kill us tomorrow morning for letting him drink that much."

"He's going to feel like shit," Haruka added softly.

Nagisa grinned, pouring the redhead another shot. "It's so worth it," the blonde snickered as he studiously ignored the other wines from his boyfriend Rei.

Haruka could swear he saw Nagisa's eyes take on an almost fiery glow for a split second.

"You're evil and twisted," Haruka mumbled.

"You can be the one who holds his hair for him while he pukes," Makoto sang, pointing at Rin

"Because you know he's going to," Haruka scolded.

Nagisa looked between the two of them from where he and Rin sat on the opposite side of the table. Nagisa smiled at Haruka and Makoto.

"What?" Makoto asked with a slight slur in his delivery.

"You're doing that thing," Nagisa said, his smile breaking into a huge grin. "The best-friend thing."

Haruka blushed, glancing sideways at Makoto, who was smiling a warm and broad smile.

"To best fucking friends!" Rin suddenly announced, raising his shot glass in the air. He threw it back into his mouth, most of the vodka missing its target and streaming down his chin instead.

Haruka couldn't hold his laughter in at the sight of Rin, and neither could anyone else. Haruka felt something bash against the side of his knee and looked over at Makoto. His best friend grinning at him. Haruka returned the grin and swung his knee sideways to hit Makoto back.

"Ow!" Makoto squeaked, giving him a pout.

"Wimp," Haruka teased.

The last two days had been very difficult for Haruka; he couldn't look at Makoto without remembering what the boy had said in the shower. At first, Haruka felt so sick he could barely function and he had had to snap out of that pretty quickly with all the demands Kou placed on them as a group and swim team. Haruka had thought a lot about what Makoto had told him and had finally come to the conclusion that there was nothing better that Makoto could ever have said. If what Makoto had said was true, it meant that his friend had never changed at all, he was still the Makoto that Haruka had always known, the only difference was that the little secret had slipped out.

Haruka knew that a part of him just needed to rationalize the whole situation, and what Makoto had told him allowed him to do that. He would now focus on trying to mend the rift, perhaps he would just get used to Makoto's odd feelings towards him. The more Haruka thought about it, the more he convinced himself that it could be easy- hadn't they always flirted with each other? Been closer than normal? It never had to go any further than that.

Haruka thought he had it all figured out.

* * *

Tonight was looking promising as far as building bridges went, Nagisa had pulled out the bottles and announced that it was a drinking night. Haruka had protested at first, he hadn't been really drunk around his best friend since the night that Makoto had confessed his feelings and Haruka was only slightly paranoid about what might happen if they drank too much again. But Rin and Nagisa had convinced Haruka anyway given that his house was the house of all parties. Haruka had given in but he was reserved, careful not to drink too much too fast and so he noticed, had Makoto.

For the first time in weeks, Haruka felt almost normal. He couldn't completely forget the awkwardness of the situation, but Makoto was making it easier by acting much more like his old self, the Makoto that Haruka knew, the Makoto that Haruka missed so deeply. He was simply Haruka's best friend again.

Makoto had been teasing Haruka all night, bringing up embarrassing tales of their childhood, making fun of him at every opportunity and occasionally giving Haruka a look that Haruka wasn't used to being directed at him. Or at least, he had never noticed that look before. It hadn't taken long for Haruka to relax into it, and start giving back just as good as he took. Rin and Nagisa had both seemed ecstatic at Haruka's and Makoto's easy bantering, something they hadn't heard in a long time.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Rin suddenly mumbled, clutching at Nagisa's shoulder.

"You better not puke on my carpet!" Haruka yelled, panicking. Both he and Makoto sat back slightly, afraid of what was to come.

Nagisa simply laughed and slid out from behind the table. "Come on you dork." He waited for Rin to slowly slide across the seat before pulling him to his feet. Rin swayed slightly as he stood on his own two feet and Nagisa only just managed to catch the redhead before he landed on the floor. Nagisa grunted, holding his heavier and taller friend up.

"Don't look at us for help," Haruka said with a blank expression.

"Yeah, he's your responsibility," Makoto added, laughing.

Nagisa muttered and was glad that Rei stood up to help the him. The three of them sauntered off, Rin making all kinds of whining noises.

* * *

All of a sudden, Haruka was alone with the olive-haired male; it was the first time since Makoto climbed into his shower.

"You're upset with me," Makoto said immediately.

"What?" Haruka had been taken by surprise. "No...I'm not."

Makoto snorted. "Well that's a lie."

It was a lie, of sorts. Haruka was upset, had _been_ upset with Makoto for weeks, but right then he was feeling okay, and didn't really want to think about it, if even just for a night.

"You kissed me first, you know," Makoto said suddenly.

Haruka whipped his head towards Makoto. "What?"

"When we were twelve," Makoto said, as if it were an answer.

Haruka had to think back for a moment. "Makoto, that was when we were playing truth or dare with the kids next door, I was _dared_ to do it."

Makoto shrugged. "You still kissed me first."

"Whatever, I'm going to bed," Haruka replied quickly, standing up. He hadn't drunken nearly enough alcohol to be having this conversation, he decided. He didn't think it was a conversation they should _ever_ be having.

Makoto grabbed his hand as he stood. "Wait."

Haruka groaned as Makoto stood up too, not letting go of his hand.

"Can I come?"

"Come? No you can't come," Haruka stammered out, wrenching his hand away from Makoto's. "You know that."

Makoto placed his hand on the small of Haruka's back. He was standing close, much too close.

"Just to talk," he said quickly. "We can talk you know, best friends do talk."

Haruka gulped. "Not while they're doing that," he insisted, referring to the way Makoto was tracing circles over his back. Haruka could only look at the floor. He knew he was probably being silly, and _shouldn't_ they talk about it? They would never be able to move past it if he ran away every time Makoto brought it up.

Makoto laughed. "What about when they're doing this?"

Haruka squealed as Makoto's hands suddenly attacked his ribs, where he was most ticklish. Of course Makoto knew he was ticklish there; Makoto knew everything about him.

"Stop it!" Haruka cried, trying to push Makoto's hands away but failing _hard_. He couldn't help the hysterical laughter that always accompanied being tickled. He tried to move back and away but Haruka lost his balance and he fell to the floor. Still clutching at Haruka's waist, Makoto followed, landing with an 'oomf' on top of Haruka.

"Are you ok?" Makoto panted, crawling up so that he was straddling the raven-haired male.

"Yes, ugh now get off me," Haruka complained, not liking the way Makoto was looking down at him as he sat atop him.

Makoto just laughed softly and placed his hands on Haruka's ribs, threatening to tickle him again.

"I mean it Makoto," Haruka growled, twisting beneath him. "Get the fuck off me!"

Makoto pouted. "You're no fun at all," he said, before flicking Haruka's nose hard with his fingers.

"Ow fuck Makoto!" Haruka cried, his hands flying up to his nose. His eyes were watering. "Oh no you don't," he said as Makoto rolled off him and began crawling away.

He grabbed hold of one of Makoto's ankles and dragged his friend back towards him.

Makoto laughed as Haruka flipped him over and pinned him down with his body. He quickly covered his nose. "No, not the nose!"

"Not fair," Haruka grunted, trying to pry Makoto's hands from his face. "You did it to me."

Makoto laughed beneath his hands and wrapped his legs around Haruka's waist, pulling him down closer.

"What are you doing?" Haruka growled, giving up on the hands and struggling to get out of Makoto's grip.

"What?" Makoto panted, removing his hands from his face and wrapping his arms around Haruka's waist. He thrust his hips upwards. "_You_ got on top of _me_."

"To pay you back for hurting my nose!" Haruka exclaimed hotly. He used his arms to keep his upper body as far away from Makoto's as possible.

"Whatever Haru," Makoto replied, smiling. "You've been flirting with me all night."

Haruka gasped as Makoto's hands flew down to his ass and pushed down, grinding their groins together. "I have not…been…flirting!" Haruka grunted, panicking slightly as he felt himself begin to harden at the inescapable friction. "Oh shit," he mumbled.

Makoto's eyes widened and then he grinned. "You have."

Haruka wanted to slap the smug look right off his best friend's face, instead he grabbed a chunk of Makoto's hair and pulled on it, hard. "Let me go," Haruka growled.

"Ow!" Makoto yelped before slapping Haruka right across the cheek. His legs loosened around Haruka's waist, giving Haruka enough room to roll away. Makoto was shocked at what he had just done but not nearly as shocked as Haruka was to received such a harsh slap from his best friend. Haruka had never been slapped before and there were times when he had definitely deserved one.

"Stay away from me," Haruka warned. "You're fucking crazy." Haruka was so stunned; never did he think Makoto would attack him so openly, and he never imagined ever talking to his friend so harshly.

"Haru," Makoto whined as Haruka got up and turned to walk away.

"I mean it," Haruka said, looking back at his best friend who was picking himself up off the floor. "Leave me alone."

* * *

Haruka quickly made his way upstairs, to his bedroom because he really needed to get away from Makoto. On his way upstairs, he heard the unpleasant sound of Rin vomiting coming from his bathroom. Then he heard another sound, like someone running. Haruka didn't even have the time to turn around in his bedroom before something slammed into his back.

"Makoto what the fuck are you doing?" Haruka growled as he got pushed on top of his bed. He was on his stomach, face smashed into his pillow. Makoto must have climbed in after him, because Haruka could feel Makoto's weight as he pinned him down, Makoto was laughing.

"Oh come on Haru, I just want to play. Play with me," he whispered. His mouth was much too close to Haruka's ear.

"Makoto, we both know you don't want to play," Haruka hissed through gritted teeth.

Makoto sat up slightly, Haruka felt the weight disappear from his back. He was too scared to turn over.

"Go away," he mumbled into his pillow, hoping that Makoto would get bored and leave. He jerked when he felt Makoto begin to grind against his ass, Makoto was rubbing himself against Haruka. It was enough to make him flip over, but he realized that was a mistake instantly. Makoto was straddling him and immediately pressed down against Haruka's semi hard cock through his jeans.

"Tell me what I want then," Makoto grunted as he ground down onto Haruka. "If I don't want to play then tell me what I want."

"Fuck," Haruka hissed, aware of how his cock was growing harder and harder.

"Tell me, Haru," Makoto said, panting.

Haruka growled and reached up to grab Makoto's hair again. Yanking hard, he pulled Makoto down fast and flipped him until he had him on his back. Makoto stared up at him, laughing a little through his breathlessness. Haruka held him down and leaned towards him, just inches from his face.

"Is _this_ what you want?" he snarled as he thrust hard between Makoto's legs.

Makoto gasped and pushed his hips up.

Haruka knew he was heading into dangerous territory, he was so worked up he could barely think straight, all he knew was that he had the cause of weeks of frustration beneath him and he wanted to make Makoto pay.

"You know what I want?" Haruka said, leaning close so that he was speaking directly into Makoto's ear.

"What?" Makoto asked, trembling slightly.

"I want to hurt you," Haruka replied. "So bad." He bit down hard on Makoto's earlobe.

Makoto yelped, and Haruka felt ten sharp nails scraping down his back.

"No you don't," Makoto said smugly. "You just think you do. I know what you really want."

Haruka snarled. "No," he pulled back a bit to grab Makoto's t-shirt at the waist. "I really want to hurt you." He used Makoto's hair to pull him forward slightly so that he could pull the t-shirt over his head. He pushed him back down and pinned his arms to the mattress. Makoto's breathing was becoming more rapid, his chest heaving.

"Admit it," Makoto gasped. "From the moment I told you, it's all you could think about."

Haruka pulled back, sitting up and he shook his head. Haruka glanced sideways before he replied with a sharp no.

"Yes," Makoto said, baring his teeth. "It's always been there, you just needed me to say it."

"Shut up!" Haruka roared. He grabbed Makoto's discarded t-shirt and jammed it into Makoto's mouth. Makoto moaned through the fabric as Haruka pulled his own shirt off and he watched quietly as Haruka yanked down the zipper on Makoto's jeans. Haruka kept his eyes on Makoto's face the whole time as he pulled his friend's jeans and boxers down, and then his. Makoto took the t-shirt away from his mouth and licked his lips as Haruka exposed himself. Haruka leaned down and jammed Makoto's lips together with his hand.

"Ow, shit!" he pulled his hand away quickly when he felt Makoto bite down on it.

Makoto just grinned and swung his legs up and over Haruka's back, urging him down.

Haruka grunted as he landed on the olive-haired male and immediately tried to wriggle away when Makoto yanked at his hair so that they were face to face.

"Kiss me," Makoto whispered, rocking his hips up.

Haruka groaned as he felt his cock colliding with Makoto's, a sensation he'd never wanted to experience. He couldn't stand how good Makoto felt against him, bare skin to bare skin. It made him feel sick and dizzy and angry and so hot, all at once.

"No way," Haruka grunted back, trying to claw at Makoto's hands to get them out of his hair while keeping himself up at the same time. He thrust against Makoto, cringing at his best friend's moan of approval. Makoto's hands were still in his hair, so Haruka let himself drop down to rest his chest against Makoto's to free his hands.

"Let go!" he insisted, squeezing Makoto's wrists.

"Not until you kiss me," Makoto ground out. He raised his head and clamped down on Haruka chin with his mouth.

Haruka cried out as Makoto's teeth sunk into his skin, twisting his head away. He released Makoto's wrists and tugged on his hair instead. "I'm not going to kiss you, let go!" he repeated, yanking Makoto's hair.

Makoto let Haruka's hair go and growled, raking his fingernails down Haruka's chest and around to his waist, digging into his sides. "I know why you don't want to," he hissed. "It's because you know you'll _like_ it!"

Haruka pushed his forehead down against Makoto's and glared at his friend.

"I'm going to fuck you," he said, half growling. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it?" He slammed himself against Makoto, grunting at the sharp bolts of pleasure that ran from his cock all the way up his spine.

Makoto didn't say anything; he just stared back at Haruka and yelped as Haruka's cock pushed against him.

"You can't just do it Haru," Makoto finally muttered, straining beneath him. "I… it's my first time…"

"Is that right?" Haruka bit back, "I told you I wanted to hurt you didn't I?" He dragged his mouth across Makoto's and bit his lips. Makoto made a small sound and pushed Haruka up with his hands. His eyes were wide, and for the first time that night he actually looked scared. Haruka relished the look of fear on his best friend's face; no, he would never even think about doing what Makoto thought he was planning, but he wanted to punish Makoto, he wanted Makoto to feel as intimidated and out of control as _he_ had been feeling lately.

"You wouldn't," Makoto said meekly.

"Wouldn't I?" Haruka replied, swooping back down and giving Makoto the kiss he'd been wanting.

Makoto moaned into his mouth and squirmed, and then slapped Haruka's back hard. Haruka pulled back and glared at him.

"I won't let you," Makoto spat.

"Who said I was asking for permission?" Haruka snarled. He kissed Makoto again and dragged his mouth down, using his teeth on Makoto's chin and neck. When he reached Makoto's collarbone he bit down as hard as he could. He could feel Makoto's cock digging into his stomach; it both excited and sickened him a little.

He felt fingernails clawing at his face and digging into his neck. Haruka grunted and lashed out with his hand without looking, whacking Makoto's jaw. Makoto cried out and Haruka looked up. Within seconds a fist slammed into his cheek.

"Fuck!" Haruka's hand flew to his cheek, it stung like hell and he was sure it would leave a bruise. He raised an arm to retaliate, but before he could strike, Makoto threw his arms over his face as if to block him.

"Sorry! Shit, sorry Haru," Makoto gasped.

Haruka stopped, holding his fist in midair as he looked down at his frightened looking friend. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he cursed over and over. He looked down at the red marks scattered all over Makoto's chest, at the scratches down his. What the fuck were they doing? He shuddered as the reality of the situation hit him. He was on top of Makoto and they were _naked_.

* * *

"Get out," he pleaded quietly. He clambered off Makoto and crawled backwards near the end of the bed. "Out of here, out of my head. Out." He was shaking with unresolved anger and shock at what they had nearly done.

Makoto scrambled towards him. "No," he said firmly, climbing over Haruka's legs to straddle him and sit on his lap. Haruka tensed, but for some reason he couldn't push Makoto away. "I'm in your head?"

Haruka closed his eyes. "How could you not be? The way you've practically been throwing yourself at me, tormenting me…how could you do this to me, Makoto?" his throat ached as he tried to swallow a large lump. "You've really fucked with my head." He jerked when he felt Makoto's lips against his forehead, and his hand wrap around his cock. "Ugh… don't," Haruka whispered desperately, but his hips tilted up reflexively as Makoto stroked him slowly. Why did his hands have to feel so fucking good?

"I'm sorry," Makoto mumbled. His lips tickled as they trailed down to his ear. "It's not really your head I want to fuck with." He squeezed Haruka gently, rubbing his thumb across the tip.

Haruka sucked in a harsh breath. "Oh god," he moaned. "What the hell's gotten into you?"

The chuckle in his ear was low and Makoto's next words sent shivers racing up Haruka's spine. "Nothing….yet."

Haruka groaned as Makoto's lips found his neck, sucking it softly.

"Does this feel good?" Makoto asked, lightly tracing a finger down Haruka's length. Haruka was so hard it actually hurt.

"You know it does," Haruka gritted out. "I wish it fucking didn't but it does." He was sure Makoto smiled against his neck.

"Tell me what you've been thinking about, what's been in your head?" Makoto's tongue licked around the curve of Haruka's ear, his breath hot against Haruka's skin.

"You," he said quickly. "You, of course."

"What have I been doing in these thoughts of yours?" Makoto slid down Haruka's chest, never taking his eyes off him as he crawled back to settle between Haruka's legs.

"No," Haruka protested weakly, panicking at the sight of Makoto's lips hovering far too close to his groin.

"Have I been doing this?" Makoto purred before gently running the tip of his tongue over the slit in Haruka's very erect cock.

Haruka clamped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from howling out as Makoto's wet tongue licked at the silky fluid that began weeping out in response. Makoto hummed, looking pleased with himself before taking Haruka into his mouth fully. Haruka did cry out then and prayed that it had gone unnoticed. He felt light headed as he watched more and more of his cock disappear between Makoto's lips, until he couldn't bear to watch any more. He closed his eyes and let his head flop back slightly.

He couldn't believe how badly his body was betraying him, just the thought of Makoto sucking him off should make him go soft surely, and yet he was most definitely and quite painfully hard. Makoto sucking him in and out at the slowest pace imaginable wasn't helping, Haruka could barely stand the feeling and put a shaky hand on Makoto's head with the intention to push him away.

Makoto sucked even harder and flicked the tip of his tongue against the underside of Haruka's erection. Haruka's hand stilled against Makoto's head and with a frustrated growl he began using it to guide Makoto instead, cursing himself as he rocked his hips up and fucked the willing mouth with short shallow thrusts.

Makoto moaned around him and Haruka wanted to shove his dick so far down his throat he'd choke him, he was certain if he didn't pull Makoto off soon, it would happen. He didn't end up having to decide though because Makoto released him, wiping at his mouth and giving Haruka a strange and dangerous looking smile.

"What are you doing?" Haruka whispered hoarsely as Makoto gripped the backs of his calves and pulled gently until Haruka was flat on his back.

"Just getting you more comfortable," Makoto murmured, trailing his hands up and down the insides of Haruka's thighs which he had spread apart. Haruka blushed, he was fully exposed, all dignity thrown out the window along with his morals so it seemed.

He threw an arm over his face and bit the inside of his cheek as wet lips roamed over his entire body.

"Fuck," Haruka hissed, his legs jerking at the sensation of Makoto's mouth on him.

As he lay there he wondered how the hell he had ended up there, hidden in his room with friend doing things to him they shouldn't do to each other. How it was that the boy he'd grown up with was now sucking on him like he was the last piece of candy they'd often fought over when they were kids. Haruka felt tears trickle down his cheeks as flashes of their past flittered across his mind's eye, every play fight, every stupid argument, the crying over scraped knees, the shared excitement over every Christmas and birthday, the teasing, the whispered conversations in the dark after a bad nightmare, all the things they'd shared as best friends. Things they hadn't shared with anyone else...

Had it been the extremes of the life they now lived that had pushed Makoto over the edge? Would it have ever happened had they not become the people they were today? These thoughts and more were nagging at Haruka as he tried to figure it all out.

The worst part was that his body reacted so strongly to everything Makoto was doing, Haruka couldn't remember ever feeling such intense desire and wondered whether it was fuelled by his natural resistance to the situation, or whether his reluctance hampered the potential for an even more mind blowing sexual experience. None of it made sense to him, and the only thing that he could come up with was that everyone had their kinks - perhaps this was just his, the most forbidden fruit, the unthinkable, untouchable.

He choked out a sob as he thought about what kind of person that must make him and he felt Makoto release him, the chill curling around his dick as cool air met with wet skin.

"Hey," Makoto whispered, pulling Haruka's arm away to reveal his face, wet with tears. Makoto was on top of him now, peering down at him. Through the blur Haruka could tell he appeared concerned.

"Shhhh." Makoto gently brushed his thumbs around the corner of Haruka's eyes and bent down to press kisses against both his eyelids.

Haruka let out a shaky breath and placed his hands on the small of Makoto's back in an awkward attempt to hug him. He'd never felt so vulnerable, and he needed to be able to lean on his best friend as he always had at the more difficult times in his life. What he was going through definitely counted as one of those times. He looked up at Makoto and tried to convey his feelings to his friend by expression alone, wanting Makoto to understand that Haruka needed to know _why_.

"It has to be you, Haru," Makoto said after a few moments. "It can't be anyone but you….I just can't."

Haruka closed his eyes and tried to find any reason in what Makoto was telling him. It was fucked up, it made sense, and yet it didn't. Makoto wanted intimacy and was apparently convinced that he could only find it with Haruka, he wasn't going to let anyone else near him.

* * *

Haruka looked up at him again and nodded. He nodded because just like when he'd given Makoto the last piece of candy every time, had backed down in any argument they'd ever had, he was going to give in to his best friend as he had always done, was going to give Makoto what he wanted as he always did.

Makoto's face relaxed a little and he brushed his lips against Haruka's, perhaps to test his reaction. Haruka let it happen, opened his mouth to his friend as Makoto kissed him softly, a strange taste sweeping over Haruka's tongue as he did so, and Haruka realized that he was tasting himself on Makoto's lips.

Makoto sat up and pulled Haruka with him, Haruka was no longer drunk but his head felt like it was all over the place, he may as well have downed the entire bottle of vodka for all the good his senses were doing him then.

"Wait," he mumbled as Makoto tried to pull him against him. He reached over to his night stand and dug around the miscellaneous items of junk he had stored away until his hand found what it was looking for. "I would never have… you know," Haruka said quietly, showing Makoto the bottle of lubricant he had clutched in his fingers

"I know that," Makoto replied with a smile, he ran a hand smoothly down Haruka's chest. Haruka squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remind himself that this was just for Makoto, he was doing this for his best friend and that was all. Makoto wanted to lay back but Haruka stopped him.

"I'm not going to do you right now… you can do me," Haruka whispered. Even if he still wanted to hurt Makoto, he didn't want to do Makoto this way. It had all started off with a fight and it wouldn't be the setting that Makoto deserved. Given that Haruka had experience with bottoming, it would just have to do.

"But Haru, I… we… uhm,…" Makoto stammered out, his cheeks turning bright red. Makoto had always figured that Haruka would be the one to enter him and the sudden change of plans threw Makoto a bit out of balance.

"I really want it that way Makoto," Haruka replied and Makoto nodded shyly, burning with anticipation of finally becoming one with Haruka.

Makoto groaned softly and dropped his head as his stomach cramped up at Haruka's words, his cock throbbing in time with the pounding of his heart, with the ache in his head. Taking a deep breath, Makoto crawled in between Haruka's legs and began rubbing his cock against Haruka's in long and slow strokes.

Haruka gasped and tugged Makoto down for another kiss. The biggest part of Haruka's mind still knew that what they were doing was messed up but his body was responding as it always did to having another naked body with him. Makoto was sucking Haruka's tongue and tickling Haruka's chest with his fingernails and all Haruka needed to do was let his body take over the situation. Haruka could just keep his eyes shut and pretend it wasn't Makoto writhing above him. Only, Makoto's scent was all around him, he was all Haruka could smell and right then he wasn't sure if he wanted it to be anyone else. Haruka broke the kiss, attaching his mouth to Makoto's neck instead as he reached down between them and grabbed Makoto's erection. He felt Makoto's body stiffen.

"Oh…you're touching me," Makoto grunted, pushing his hips down.

"That's usually how this works," Haruka mumbled into Makoto's neck. He squeezed the olive-haired male gently.

Makoto rolled a little, pushing Haruka to his side so that they were lying chest to chest. He slid his hand down Haruka's chest again, sliding all the way down until his hand wrapped around Haruka's cock. Haruka was trembling all over. He let Makoto kiss him again and groaned loudly when Makoto's hand twisted him at the head. A loud moan bounced off the walls and Haruka was surprised that Makoto could pleasure him like that. It was… _amazing._

Haruka grunted and shifted so that he was back on top of Makoto. "Okay," he gasped, carefully removing Makoto's fingers from where they were playing with him.

"We really have to be quiet or the other's might hear," Haruka whispered as he looked down at Makoto. Makoto looked mildly disappointed but he nodded anyway.

Haruka's cock twitched at the sight of his best friend splayed out across his bed, his eyes kept flickering over Makoto's entire body. Haruka's face flushed and he picked up the bottle he'd placed on the mattress and he straddled Makoto properly now. Haruka was going to prepare himself and then ride Makoto nice and slow.

Makoto didn't say a word, he just watched as Haruka smeared some of the slippery substance over his fingers. Haruka's fingers disappeared behind his back and with a small gasp, Haruka eased the first finger in. Makoto could do nothing but watch in awe as Haruka's face slowly but surely contorted in pleasure. Makoto had never seen Haruka like this before and it was the most breath-taking sight ever. Small moans and gasps started spilling over Haruka's lips and Makoto let his hands roam over Haruka's chest, playfully toying with Haruka's nipples.

"Oh god," Makoto blurted out. Haruka rocked his hips up and started riding his own fingers. Haruka continued preparing himself until he was ready. He eased his fingers out and poured a good amount of lube on his hand and fingers. The raven-haired male began to rub the lube over Makoto's cock and Makoto threw his head back in pleasure.

"This is so wrong," Haruka whispered, wanting some kind of reaction from Makoto, anything to show that Makoto knew that what they were doing wasn't normal.

Makoto opened his eyes and pulled Haruka close to him. "Let's do it anyway."

* * *

Haruka hesitated for a second before letting himself relax against Makoto's chest. Makoto's arms wrapped around his back and he pressed his cheek against Haruka's. Haruka was shaking as he ran his fingers through Makoto's hair and trailed his hands down Makoto's chest.

"Kiss me," Makoto said quietly, running his hands over Haruka's behind.

Haruka squirmed, rocking himself against Makoto "Why aren't you scared?"

"Because it's you and it won't hurt me as much as it will hurt you," Makoto answered immediately. Makoto had never had sex with anyone and he always feared the moment. However, now that he was going to do it with Haruka, everything just seemed natural.

Haruka groaned and mashed his mouth down on Makoto's. Makoto opened up instantly and trashed his tongue against Haruka's. Haruka pulled back, gasping for breath.

"I'm going to do it," he rasped. He waited until Makoto nodded before sitting up slightly and properly straddling his best friend again. Haruka raised himself up and reached down behind his back to hold Makoto's cock in place as he positioned himself over it. Haruka slowly eased down Makoto's length and he could feel his thighs tremble a little and he was glad that Makoto held him up. Haruka had chosen to do it this way because it would keep the spell going between them, they would only be able to look at each other and Haruka wanted to make this as special as possible. Once he was fully seated on Makoto, Haruka wrapped his arms around Makoto's neck and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Makoto's. He felt so full and stretched; it was always a little overwhelming for him given that Haruka didn't do this all too often. Makoto pulled Haruka closer and trapped Haruka's cock tightly between them. Haruka closed his eyes and concentrated on Makoto's hands, which were running up and down his lower back in long and soothing strokes.

Finally he felt ready to move, Haruka lifted up slightly and rocked his hips a little, eliciting a short, quiet grunt from his friend. He felt Makoto's hands digging into him, tightening his grip. His movements were slow and deliberate; he lazily rode Makoto's cock at a pace which he knew must have been driving Makoto crazy, because he could barely stand it himself. Makoto's cock slowly grazed over his spot inside, and Haruka's cock was sliding between their stomachs, which were now hot and slicked with sweat.

Haruka pulled his head away from Makoto's to look at him again, his belly flipping hard at the darkness in Makoto's eyes and the intensity of his best friend's stare. Their mouths found each other again and Haruka was lost in the sensation of Makoto all over him, inside him, everywhere. Everything around them was quiet except for their panting breaths and the only thing Haruka could really do was _feel._

Right now, this thing with Makoto wasn't something that he needed to understand, it was just something that he needed.

Makoto needed it too, he pulled back from where he had latched his mouth over Haruka's neck and threw him a pleading look. His hands were moving Haruka's hips insistently, needing more, needing it faster.

Haruka let go of his friend and leaned back, resting on his elbows. Makoto followed him down and shifted until he was lying between Haruka's legs. Haruka wrapped his legs around Makoto's waist and gripped his best friend's shoulders as Makoto thrust into him deeply. He gasped and tried to control his breathing; this was where it was hard to stay quiet, Makoto made him want to scream.

He felt a hand reach between them and grab his cock, making him jolt in surprise. Makoto's lips were suddenly on his again, and Haruka let himself moan into Makoto's mouth as he was stroked both inside and out. He arched his back and rocked his hips up in time with Makoto as Makoto thrust steadily into him.

Makoto squeezed Haruka's cock gently and in return Haruka squeezed him back, tightening his muscles around where Makoto was inside him. Makoto slammed forward into Haruka, pressing hard against his spot, and twisted the head of his cock. Haruka squeezed his eyes shut and opened his mouth in a silent scream as he came, his body shaking. He was barely aware of how his fingernails nearly drew blood as they clawed Makoto's shoulders, or how he clamped down on Makoto's cock with his body as Makoto milked him of his release.

Haruka fell limp beneath Makoto and watched in a daze as Makoto's face twisted up in pleasure before he smashed it into Haruka's neck and came too. Haruka held his shuddering form close, feeling wetness between his legs and all over his stomach.

It was a long time before either of them moved again, Haruka closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, feeling satisfied and still full as Makoto was still inside him. Finally Makoto slid out, rolling to his side but not letting go of Haruka. Haruka felt lips on his neck, he turned and kissed Makoto softly, his breathing not quite steady yet. Not another word was uttered between them that night. It wasn't needed, pools of sapphire were firmly locked with pools of emerald and that was all they really needed tonight…

_You're the part of me I wished I didn't need…_

_It's been twenty days since Haruka made Makoto cry._

**A/N: Sorry for the long delay! I hope you enjoyed!**

**Lots of love**


	5. Part V

_**Whisper to Me Part V**_

_It's been twenty days since Haruka made Makoto cry_.

When Haruka woke up after the night he'd had Makoto in his bed, he was relieved to find that Makoto wasn't still there. He remembered falling asleep with his best friend beside him, but some time during the night, or that morning, Makoto had left his bed. Haruka felt around for his boxer shorts and when he stood up to put them on, his limbs were shaking. His chest and stomach hurt, inside and out. He could still see the scratches down his front. Clinging to wall next to his bed, Haruka felt a wave of dizziness pass over him and he stumbled through his bedroom to get to the toilet. Once inside he fell to his knees and emptied the contents of his stomach into the bowl in a series of massive, painful heaves.

A quick check in the mirror and Haruka could make out the redness on his chin from Makoto biting him, but luckily enough there were no teeth marks, it just looked like a large blemish. His cheek felt tender from the blow but he couldn't see any bruising. He inspected his neck and couldn't find any love bites, though he'd have to put a shirt on as soon as possible to hide the red marks all over his chest and back.

He didn't see Makoto until he got dressed and dragged his feet down to where everyone was sitting around eating breakfast. Well, Rin was just sitting around; he looked in no state to be eating anything. Haruka couldn't even take any pleasure in his friend's misery as he slumped down next to him, completely avoiding looking at Makoto at all. He knew he probably looked just as bad as Rin.

"Hooo you too huh?" Nagisa bleated with glee.

Haruka just nodded, keeping his head down. He would let everyone think he was hung over; it seemed a good enough explanation as any. Rin's head fell against his shoulder.

"Just kill me now," Rin moaned.

"Did you throw up?" Nagisa asked. He was way too cheerful.

Haruka nodded again. "Yeah." His voice came out croakier than he expected.

"Yeah Rin was hurling all night, weren't you Rin?" Nagisa leaned over Haruka to ruffle Rin's hair.

"Fuck off, I mean it," Rin growled.

Nagisa laughed and walked away.

Haruka spent the next two hours in complete misery. He felt trapped in his own house, he wished his friends would just leave but Nagisa was hell-bent on sticking around some more. Haruka didn't want to be around Makoto, but at the same time, he was too scared to go and curl up in his bed, where Makoto could easily corner him. So Haruka sat next to Rin on the couch, the redhead lolling his head against Haruka's shoulder in misery.

He didn't even know if Makoto would want to talk to him anyway, or whether Makoto was looking at him, ignoring him, not ignoring him – Haruka wouldn't look at him. He was glad that Makoto didn't try to talk to him. Haruka was having enough trouble with his own thoughts without input from Makoto; he'd close his eyes and remember what they'd done, how it had felt, how Makoto had looked. It made him cringe and worst of all it made him hard.

He knew he couldn't escape Makoto forever though, and sure enough his best friend started trying to talk to him throughout the day, as they were keeping themselves busy with watching movies and playing video games. Haruka refused to even look at him, and any time Makoto even tried to get close, Haruka would back away and slide up against Rin, Nagisa or Rei.

Makoto finally cornered him though, as Haruka knew he would, as he'd been dreading all day.

"Haru."

Haruka heard his name being called out as he tried to slip unnoticed from the heavy zombie-killing to use the bathroom. Haruka quickened his steps, ignoring Makoto who had started to follow him. He rushed into the bathroom and hoped that Makoto would back off now. Unfortunately, Makoto did no such thing and he followed Haruka into the bathroom.

"Haru!" Makoto leaned against the door, eyes flickering over to Haruka who remained motionless.

"Haru, look at me," Makoto urged as Haruka studied the floor intently. The tiles were marble, sleek and shiny to match the rest of the bathroom. Haruka felt like he was making it dirty just by being there; no shower could wash away his best friend and what they'd done. Neither of them belonged in a place so clean.

"You've been avoiding me all day...why?"

Haruka snorted and finally looked up. "Why do you think?"

Makoto sighed. "Because of what we did, because I..." he trailed off and Haruka noticed that he was blushing.

"Because I let you fuck me," Haruka finished for him. There it was again; the best friend thing. Haruka could almost laugh.

"Don't say it like that," Makoto said quietly.

"Why not?" Haruka snapped. "It's the truth." He folded his arms across his chest and glared at his friend. "I let you fuck me, and it was wrong and disgusting and we shouldn't have done it."

Makoto's face fell slightly at the harsh words and Haruka could barely stand to look at him.

"No Haruka, we...that was...I made love to you," Makoto stammered.

Haruka's mouth dropped open. Is _that_ what Makoto was thinking? "No Makoto...that wasn't...oh shit," he fumbled over his words as he tried to get his head around what Makoto was implying. It was only supposed to be that one time, one time to get Makoto past his first, Haruka had stepped up as best friend and gone beyond the call of duty, or so he felt.

He saw Makoto's lip start to quiver and it made his chest tighten uncomfortably.

"I don't understand," Makoto whispered, a tear gliding down his thick lashes and landing on his cheek. "What's wrong?

Haruka clenched his hands into fists; he wanted to be angry with Makoto again, he _was_ angry, but he wished he had the same fire in him as he did the night before. He wished Makoto would stop acting like a lovesick puppy and bring back the fiery minx who had so easily seduced him, the one that Haruka could bring himself to loathe. He took a step forward and pressed Makoto back into the door.

"What's wrong? What's _wrong_? You took the best fucking thing in my life and you _ruined_ it," Haruka hissed, screwing up the front of Makoto's t-shirt in his fists. "That's what's wrong."

A loud sob escaped Makoto's lips. "But we could be better," he said, his voice heavy with sorrow.

Haruka let his t-shirt go and leaned against Makoto, pressing his forehead against his best friend. "What could be better than us?"

Makoto seemed to lose it then, Haruka had to hold him up as he began to sink down against the door.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Haru," he whimpered through his sobs.

"Shhh," Haru said, alarmed at the way his friend was falling apart. "It's okay." It was frightening how different Makoto was behaving, and Haruka supposed it was his own fault. Makoto had told him how he'd felt, Haruka had been aware of it when he'd let Makoto take him and shred both of any innocence. At the end of the day, he was the one to give in and make Makoto do those things to him.

Haruka heard the door of his bedroom open and footsteps across the hallway. He pressed a finger to Makoto's lips and waited for whoever it was to pass by. Once they were alone again, Haruka took his finger away and sighed.

"Is that how you want it to be Makoto? Us hiding away from everyone else, always talking in whispers? Because that's how it would be."

Makoto sniffed and gave him a pleading look. "All I want is you, I don't care about anything else."

Haruka felt his throat tighten. "You already _had_ me Makoto, always," he said desperately. He knew it was true, Haruka had always known that even if he one day fell in love, he could never love that person the way that he loved his best friend.

Makoto shook his head, fresh tears forming. "Not like that, not the way I want."

"But, you can't want that," Haruka sputtered. "You just can't." He was nervous, he had fucked up big time.

"You know you wanted it too Haru, it wasn't just me," Makoto said, once he started to calm down. He wrapped his arms around Haruka's back.

Haruka squeezed him hard, wanting to hold him and break him at the same time. "It was for you, you are the only reason that happened." He ignored the voice in his head that told him otherwise.

"No," Makoto replied, shaking his head where it rested on Haruka's shoulder. "You would never do anything you didn't want to do, I know you too well."

Haruka sighed. "No, you just don't know what I'd do for you." He wondered if the words were true.

Makoto sniffed again. "Do you hate me?" Haruka's heart ached at the desperation in his voice.

"No," he mumbled, truthfully. "I just want to hate you."

* * *

_It's been eighteen days since Makoto knocked on Haruka's door._

Haruka sat on his bed alone, just a sketch pad and some pencils for company. He cradled the pad on his lap and let his mind wander. He'd barely seen Makoto since his friend had broken down in his arms; Makoto had obviously sensed that Haruka needed space, and perhaps he needed some himself.

The fact that he hadn't really spoken to Makoto didn't mean Haruka hadn't been thinking about him, he rarely thought of anything else. He didn't even try to push thoughts of Makoto away when he touched himself anymore; instead he welcomed the memory of Makoto's body around him, the heat that radiated against his own burning body. They'd already done it, Haruka couldn't see how _not_ remembering would make that fact go away.

He looked up when he heard a knock at the door, figuring it was Rin or Nagisa.

"Come in."

The door opened slowly and Haruka was startled to see his best friend standing there, biting his lip.

"You never knock," Haruka said questioningly, his heart feeling heavy. How much had things changed between them?

Makoto shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. "I thought maybe I should," he said, wringing his hands together.

"Don't," Haruka said softly, lowering his eyes for a second.

Makoto smiled and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to Haruka, his hands in his lap and eyes on the floor.

"This is weird for me too," he finally said. "I've just had longer to get used to it."

Haruka slid the sketch pad off his lap and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He felt Makoto's hand on his shoulder and didn't push it away, he was done with that. He couldn't push Makoto away after Makoto had been inside of him.

"Makoto, I just need you to be..._you_ for a second," Haruka mumbled. "Okay?"

Makoto paused and nodded, removing his hand.

Haruka took a breath. "Please tell me you know that this is fucked up, no matter how you feel, or I feel. Can we just, think about it for a second?" It wasn't as easy for his brain to function as both a friend and lover as it was for Haruka, the two things were still separate.

"Yeah okay," Makoto said quietly. "Yeah it is, I do know that."

Haruka nodded, it was all he needed for the moment. It was what he'd needed from the start only Makoto was so busy priming him he'd neglected to see that.

He sat up again and shuddered slightly as Makoto's hand appeared against his chest, Makoto caressed all the way down his arm until his fingers rested hesitantly over Haruka's knuckles. Haruka slowly turned his hand over until he felt Makoto's fingers graze his palm.

"Do you believe me now?" Makoto whispered. He placed a tiny kiss on Haruka's shoulder as their fingers laced together. "I told you this was always going to happen, it was always there."

"No," Haruka said shakily. "I don't believe in that," he paused and saw Makoto's face drop slightly. "But I don't deny that it's happening _now_."

Makoto nodded and shifted a little to better face Haruka. He dropped his free hand into Haruka's lap and rested it against his groin. Haruka's breath quickened instantly and he knew that something would happen, they'd do it again, and he wouldn't try to stop it because the memory of Makoto, so deep inside was too fresh, too arousing. It was different from the last time, this time he knew there was no going back, he knew that Makoto wasn't using magical powers to turn him on. It just was what it was and he had to accept it.

He let out a soft moan as nimble fingers worked their way into the front of his boxer shorts and curled around his hardening length. Haruka felt dizzy when Makoto slowly pushed him back until he was lying on the bed, his legs hanging over the side.

Makoto pulled at Haruka's boxers until his legs were free of them, before straddling Haruka's thighs. He was sitting upright, running his palm up and down the underside of Haruka's cock slowly.

"When we did it, did you like it?" Makoto asked him shyly.

"You were there," Haruka panted, his stomach clenching as Makoto rubbed him. "You know I did. It was the best…ever." He was being honest.

Makoto looked pleased. "Yeah, physically you liked it," he murmured. "I mean, how did you feel? Did you like being with me?"

Haruka frowned, stuck for an answer and unable to explain how he felt. Yeah, he'd loved the sex. Physically he was screaming for round two, emotionally he was just screaming. He closed his eyes, distressed because he didn't want to hurt Makoto's feelings. It was harder to hurt Makoto after what they had done, as a best friend it came with the territory, as for what they had become…Haruka had no clue.

Thankfully Makoto understood. "It's okay," Haruka opened his eyes again and saw Makoto hovering right over his face. "I know."

Haruka nodded and leaned into Makoto's hand as it caressed his cheek. Makoto's lips were wet when he pressed them against Haruka's mouth. He wasn't forceful, his kiss tentative and Haruka instinctively opened his lips to let him in. His eyes fluttered closed and he actually felt disappointed when Makoto pulled away. Makoto was merely using his mouth elsewhere, trailing hot kisses across his throat and collar bone.

Haruka sucked in a breath and tried not to squirm when Makoto caressed down Haruka's sides as he moved down his body. Haruka looked up and saw that Makoto had slid off the bed completely. His friend had pure concentration written all over his face as he ran his tongue up Haruka's length.

"Oh," Haruka breathed, his head falling back.

"No," Makoto said softly. "Don't look away."

Haruka tilted his face up again and stretched his arms up to rest his hands beneath the back of his head. He wasn't sure he could ever get used to the sight of Makoto sucking him, but if Haruka wanted him to look, he didn't feel like he could refuse. His hips flexed of their own accord, pushing upwards as his cock tried desperately to get as far down Makoto's throat as possible.

Makoto released him with a wet sound and Haruka groaned.

"Do you want…in my mouth? Or…do you want to, you know?" Makoto asked him, ducking his head slightly and watching Haruka through lowered lashes. Haruka couldn't believe Makoto could be so coy after the things he'd said and done to Haruka just a few nights before.

He squirmed and made a small desperate noise in frustration. Haruka didn't want to have to choose because choosing meant he was condoning what was about to happen.

"Both," he whispered finally, hiding his face in his hands. He hoped hell was big enough to hold them both.

Makoto happily obliged him, and got his first real taste of Haruka.

* * *

_It's been sixteen days since Haruka went to Makoto_

Haruka was stretched out on his bed. In the darkness, he was alone with his thoughts and as usual those were centred on his best friend. Makoto had been unusually quiet since the night he'd come to Haruka's bedroom though Haruka wondered if that had something to do with needing recovery time.

He flushed with shame when thought about how many times they'd done it that night. Makoto had been perfectly willing, and Haruka wondered if Makoto had known that it was something Haruka needed. He couldn't explain it, but it almost felt like he was punishing Makoto in his own small way, taking out his anger, confusion and shame on his friend. He hadn't been overly rough, but he certainly hadn't been gentle. He had let his body take over entirely, while his common sense and all its pesky protests and doubts receded to the back of his mind. He'd filled the room with his cries of pleasure as he'd filled Makoto for the first time, with every ounce of passion he could release.

Makoto hadn't been angry with him afterwards; he'd seemed completely satisfied and had left Haruka with more than just a kiss the following morning. But while Haruka expected Makoto to be all over him after his apparent surrender, Makoto had kept his distance.

It was maddening because Haruka didn't know how he should be behaving, what he should be doing, if Makoto wasn't deciding and doing it for them, it was a whole new game. He even wondered if perhaps Makoto had it all out of his system now and everything was supposed to go back to the way it was before. He didn't even know how he felt about that; he knew it should bring him relief, but something told him it was far too late for that.

Haruka slid out of his bed and stood awkwardly in the blackness of his bedroom debating with himself whether or not to just go to Makoto, talk to him. But he wasn't supposed to go to Makoto, it was always _Makoto _who came to him.

A quick walk in the cold night air and Haruka found himself at the Tachibana residence. He could see light filtering through Makoto's curtains and he knew Makoto was awake. Haruka used the spare key and entered the house. With a quick excuse to Makoto's parents, Haruka tiptoed his way upstairs, heading straight for Makoto's bedroom.

Makoto was there, but had his headphones on and his eyes closed, his fingers tapping the edge of his Ipod in time with the music he was listening to. Haruka took a moment to watch his friend, sprawled flat on his back, naked but for Haruka's satin blue boxer shorts. Haruka smiled and quickly took off his clothes except his boxer shorts.

He didn't want to startle Makoto by looming over him or grabbing his leg to get his attention, so Haruka climbed up and sat on the edge of the mattress. Makoto's eyes flew open when he felt the bed shift beneath him at the change of weight, and gave Haruka a huge grin when he saw him.

"Hey," he said softly, slipping the headphones off.

"Hi," Haruka replied lamely.

Makoto sat up and leaned forwards to kiss his cheek and Haruka felt stupid and clueless because he didn't know what he was supposed to do. It was easy for Makoto to just be so forward with him, and yet Haruka was like a fish floundering around out of water.

"So," Makoto said, still smiling.

Haruka waited for him to continue but he never did.

"So…we haven't really talked much," Haruka said, tracing an invisible pattern on the bed sheet with his finger. "You've kind of been keeping away...or something." He kept his eyes down.

"Um yeah, well I thought maybe you might need me to leave you alone for a bit," Makoto replied. "So I stayed away."

Haruka looked up at that. "Don't," he said, and gave him a small smile.

Makoto's smile widened. "Also…well, it was kind of sore." His cheeks flushed crimson and Haruka thought the colour suited him well.

"Oh," Haruka said, only a little embarrassed. "Sorry."

Makoto shook his head. "It's fine, it's good."

"Is there anything I can do to help, or something? I don't know." Haruka looked down again, feeling foolish.

Makoto laughed quietly. "Why? So we can do it again?"

"Oh, no that wasn't…I mean…" Haruka looked up at him, flustered, and saw the teasing glint in Makoto's eyes. "Well…maybe." He raised his eyebrows and cocked his head slightly. He realized he was actually flirting with his best friend.

Makoto looked delighted. "It's fine really, but I think I just need a bit more time maybe," he said softly, resting a hand on Haruka's knee. "Do you want to stay anyway?"

"What for?" Haruka asked bluntly, feeling a little confused.

Makoto gave him an odd look and appeared a little lost for words. "Um, just to be with me. Come here." He tugged lightly on Haruka's arm and Haruka allowed himself be pulled all the way onto the bed.

He felt like an idiot, it was all so new and he felt as if he were doing and saying everything wrong. Makoto guided him down until Haruka was lying on his side and Makoto was covering them both with his blanket. The light was switched off and Haruka waited for his eyes to adjust.

Before that could happen, Makoto curled an arm over Haruka's waist and rubbed his nose against Haruka's. Haruka laid a tentative hand on Makoto's shoulder and willed his heart to stop racing. It only sped up however when he felt Makoto's lips brush against his softly, a prelude to the gentlest kiss he'd ever experienced.

Makoto was tracing circles over Haruka's back as their tongues barely collided, lips merely hovering over each other and their breathing the only heaviness in an embrace so tender, Haruka could barely stand it. He trembled as Makoto's fingers ghosted over his skin, trailing over his back, his chest and arms. It was as if Makoto were treating Haruka like he was made of glass, and it was like nothing Haruka had known before.

His hand shook as he tried to show the same care with his touches, Makoto was showing him what he liked and Haruka was learning quickly. The strange tingling feeling in his stomach made no sense to Haruka, it kind of reminded him of first crushes as a kid, first real kisses with Rin or some girls, only this was much more intense and was something he couldn't understand at all. It was more important, Makoto wasn't Rin or any other person, and Haruka was terrified of screwing it all up. As Makoto kissed and caressed him, Haruka began to shake and the nervousness he felt was beyond anything he'd endured before a show.

Makoto held him tight and whispered things that Haruka couldn't make out as he tried to calm him down, Haruka was gasping for breath and wondered if he was going to hyperventilate. Haruka held on to Makoto and prayed for his nerves to steady themselves. In his boxer shorts, his cock was hard and aching, throbbing in response to the innocent and yet most erotic moment he had ever had.

Makoto rubbed against him and quickly slid his hands into Haruka's shorts as soon as felt the stiffness pressing into him. Haruka clung to his best friend and tried to muffle his moans into Makoto's hair as Makoto jerked at his length. Haruka had already felt on the edge of orgasm and it wasn't long before he was sobbing with relief into Makoto's shoulder, as his friend showed him how it felt to be truly loved.

* * *

_It's been thirteen days since Haruka lied to Makoto's mother._

He wouldn't have had to lie, if she just hadn't called him, hadn't asked where Makoto was.

"I don't know," had been his immediate reply, heart pounding.

"Well, he's not answering, I just tried to call his phone and got no answer." Makoto's mother sounded worried.

"He's asleep." That wasn't a lie.

"How do you know? I thought you just said you didn't know where he was?" Why did she have to go bringing her logic into it?

Haruka looked down and ran his fingers gently through strands of olive-coloured hair. He could hardly tell Makoto's mother that they'd just had one of the wildest and most erotic moments of their lives and that Makoto was now sleeping like a baby on Haruka's chest.

"Because the only time Makoto doesn't answer his phone is when he's asleep, you know that," he told her.

She sighed. "Yeah you're right, of course. Are you home?"

"Yeah," Haruka replied, feeling slightly sick with guilt over lying to Makoto's mother with his naked friend sprawled all over him.

"You'll come over again soon right, the twins miss you."

"Yeah," Haruka said, a little more eagerly. He suddenly longed to talk with Makoto's mum, they'd always been close and he couldn't handle being dishonest with her.

"I'll drop by when I can."

"I'll take what I can get," she said. Haruka could tell that she was grinning through the phone. "You've been looking after yourself?"

"I have Makoto to look after me," Haruka groaned, rolling his eyes.

"Well you're looking after him as well I hope."

Haruka smirked, and then remembered who he was talking to. "Always. Oh, speaking of Makoto," he suddenly remembered. "Nagisa's birthday is months away and he's already starting to plan the party."

Makoto's mother laughed on the other end. "Oh yes, I know."

"He says he's going to make me wear a fucking suit auntie, tell him I don't have to," Haruka whined.

"I can't tell him anything Haruka, you'll have to sort it out yourself," she replied.

"I'm not wearing it!"

He heard her laughing and it only annoyed him more. "Oh god Haruka, don't get your knickers in a twist. He doesn't actually expect you to wear it."

"How do you know? He told me I _had_ to."

"He's just riling you up, he told me so himself," she said. "He would never make you wear a suit."

"Oh, well good," Haruka mumbled, feeling foolish. He made a mental note to give his best friend a whack when he woke up.

"Although, it wouldn't hurt you to maybe give in to him just once," Makoto's mother suggested.

Haruka had to almost jam something into his mouth to prevent it from sputtering out a response Makoto's mother would have, in no way been prepared for.

"Uh yeah, I'll think about it," he replied moodily.

"Anyway, the twins are at my feet trying to trip me up for food. Call me later if Makoto wakes up okay? We can all talk."

"Cool, I will," Haruka said, his hand brushing against Makoto's forehead.

"Okay then, talk to you later."

Haruka threw his phone on the bed side table and wondered if that would be the first of many times he wouldn't be able to tell Makoto's mother or his own the truth.

_'Is it worth it?'_ he asked himself.

Haruka looked down at the sleeping form on top of him. He ran his thumb lightly down the curve of Makoto's nose, smiling as Makoto's face twitched just a fraction at the disturbance.

"Yes," Haruka said out loud, to no one in particular.

* * *

_It's been ten days since Makoto and Haruka nearly got caught._

"Oh god…yeah."

"You like that?"

"Fuck, yes."

Makoto kissed Haruka's shoulder as he rocked into him slowly. They were lying in Makoto's bed , Haruka facing the wall with Makoto spooned right up behind him. Makoto was barely moving, teasing them both with the slightest roll of his hips against Haruka's behind. It was early morning and Makoto was in a lazy mood, enjoying the delicious sensation that Haruka provided as he sunk himself into him.

He could feel Haruka's breath, hot on his hand as Makoto cradled his face. A gentle squeeze on his cock had Makoto uttering nonsensical garble right in Haruka's ear.

"I love when you do that," he murmured against Haruka's earlobe.

They knew it was risky doing it in Makoto's bedroom, especially with the twins roaming around in the house. Haruka had snuck in during the night and that is how he now found himself pressed against the wall with Makoto rocking behind him. They were willing to take the risk of having sex because they both needed it so badly. With Makoto deep inside him, pushing them both towards shattering climaxes, he could forget that what they were doing was still, in his opinion, wrong. He had fast become used to having sex on hand whenever he wanted it. Makoto was willing and available to him night and day and Haruka's body simply couldn't get enough.

Haruka clenched around his best friend again and Makoto gasped, thrusting into him with a little more force.

"God...Haru, can you just...keep...oh, _yes_," he hissed as Haruka rewarded him with an extra crippling squeeze, followed by another, and another. Makoto grunted and sped up his movements. He was done being lazy, he wanted more.

"Mako…, oh shit," Haruka panted as Makoto deliberately rode hard over the spot inside him that Makoto knew would be his friend's undoing.

There were many things that Haruka now knew about Makoto that no one should know about his best friend. He knew the exact expression Makoto's face would make the moment he was about to come. He knew how to make Makoto come so that he'd be begging for more just minutes later, or if he wanted, how to make him come hard enough to put him to sleep straight away afterwards.

He now knew that Makoto's mouth provided better stress relief before a big test or a body-shattering swim practice and he also knew that a simply encouraging smile, a brief touching of fingers or a discreet kiss on Makoto's forehead was enough to calm his best friend down in any situation.

Makoto could feel Haruka begin to quiver, and Haruka thrust his hand against the wall, his fingers scrabbling for something to grasp so that he could brace himself.

"Yes yes yes," he chanted over and over. "Makoto, I'm-oh god..."

"I know, I know," Makoto panted. He slid a trembling hand down Haruka's side, ready to grab his best friend's cock. Haruka's body was starting to tense.

_CRASH!_

"Onii-chan," Makoto heard Ran mutter.

He froze instantly, clapping his hand over Haruka's mouth. Haruka was still moving frantically and squeaked into Makoto's palm.

"Onii-chan?"

Makoto's heart stopped. He could only hope that his little sister wasn't planning on climbing into his bed. He quickly rolled away from Haruka, making the raven-haired male hiss softly as the sudden loss of contact.

"What's up sweetheart?" Makoto hastily yanked his blanket up to his chest, while Haruka stayed facing the wall. Makoto tried to keep the panic from his face as his sister took small little steps towards him.

"Ren doesn't want to play with me," Ran pouted and she reached out her hands towards Makoto. His natural instinct was to pull her in his lap but with an obvious problem in his southern-regions that might not have been the best course of action.

"Is Haru-chan in your bed?" Ran asked as she stood on her tippy-toes trying to look at the other lump on the bed. Makoto quickly nodded and Ran's face began to light up like the lights in a Christmas tree.

"Please play with me?" She asked softly and Makoto nodded and the smile on his face widened when he saw the happy twinkle in Ran's eyes.

"I first have to wake Haru-chan up, so why don't you already go to your room and collect everything you want to play with?" Makoto whispered as he tucked a few strands of Ran's hair behind her ear.

"Okay!" She beamed and she left the room with a happy giggle.

When Ran left the room, Makoto let out a shaky sigh of relief. "Oh my god."

It soon became apparent that Haruka was laughing, and Makoto couldn't believe he was able to find it funny.

"Wow, that was close," Haruka muttered. " _I_ was so close." He punched the mattress lightly.

"Close?" Makoto hissed. "Close? We're lucky she didn't find you flat on your back with your ankles wrapped around my ears."

Haruka's eyes lit up. "Can we do that next?"

"Ugh," Makoto groaned in disbelief. "No we can't, Jesus Christ you actually expect me to be able to continue after that?" He tried to pull away but Haruka yanked him towards him suggestively rubbing himself against Makoto again.

"I want to play with you as well," Haruka breathed out and Makoto couldn't help but agree and pray that Ran would take a long while picking out her toys.

* * *

_It's been six days since Makoto claimed Haruka as his._

It was the last day of school before the summer holidays began and all the students were busy packing up their things and putting them into boxes. The classroom was full of chatty pupils and Haruka tried to ignore them as best as he could. He didn't like going to school but the last day always felt kind of heavy on him. It would mean that the routine would be shaken up a bit and he seemed kind of lost at the moment.

Haruka was almost done loading his books and folders into his box when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Makoto, a gummi worm hanging half way out of his mouth. Makoto was smiling but his eyes told a different story.

"You're sad it's nearly over aren't you?" Haruka asked him quietly.

Makoto shrugged, dipping his fingers into his bag of sweets. Normally, pupils aren't allowed to eat in the classrooms but on the final day exceptions were made.

"Yeah, next year will be our last year here and I'm already beginning to feel sentimental…" Makoto whispered, fingers fondling with the gummi worms in his bag.

"I know what you mean," Haruka whispered back as he dropped another book in his box.

"Haru," Makoto suddenly said. "I want you to only be with me, not with anyone else."

Haruka snorted. "Do you see me with anyone else?"

"Ever."

Haruka's hands stilled in the box and he turned to face Makoto. Makoto looked at him with a strange mixture of confidence and apprehension.

"You're mine," he added.

And because he was a teenager with raging hormones, smitten, and clueless, Haruka agreed.

Makoto smiled and after a quick glance in either direction, noticing that all the pupils had already left given that the official bell to announce the summer holiday had gone off like two minutes ago, he leaned towards Haruka with half a gummi worm protruding from his lips. Haruka laughed softly and quickly pressed his lips against Makoto's in a short kiss, snatching the remainder of the worm.

"Good," Makoto said, smirking slightly. "You never had a choice anyway, you've always been mine."

Haruka raised his eyebrows and shook his head with a smile. His best friend refused to give up on the idea that what was happening between them was inevitable, was always meant to be.

Haruka just poked his tongue out and flashed him a dazzling grin before picking up his own box and leaving the classroom.

* * *

_It's been four days since Haruka and Makoto had a fight._

Rin was housing one of his famous parties and Haruka was reluctant to go at first but considering everyone wanted to go, he went along. Things were going great in the beginning, Makoto was all over Haruka but not to make anyone suspicious of the nature of their relationship. The more that Makoto sipped from his obvious alcoholic-drink, the more the boy started socializing, leaving Haruka to sulk and watch Makoto closely.

Haruka slammed the door of Rin's bedroom closed behind him and kicked the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be Rin's nightstand, making various things clatter loudly to the ground.

Not caring that it was probably a bad idea, he grabbed a bottle of vodka from Rin's secret stash and took a huge gulp. He screwed up his face at the taste of the first gulp but by the fourth, he wasn't all that concerned at the bitterness running down his throat, and it was helping him to shoo away the bitterness he felt inside.

He paused as he heard the door open behind him.

"Oh, finished entertaining then?"

Makoto frowned as he closed the door. "What do you mean? Why did you disappear? One minute you were standing in the kitchen with Rin and then the next thing I see you storming out the door!"

Haruka slammed the bottle down on the nightstand that was cleared of the clutter Rin had kept on it. "Maybe I was sick of watching my best friend eye-fucking everything with a dick downstairs."

Makoto stood still, his mouth open. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh don't play innocent," Haruka snapped. "I've got eyes, I could see you, and them. You were practically begging for it."

"I was socializing!" Makoto replied angrily. "I was mixing with people, you're supposed to at a party!"

Haruka shook his head and sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing his temples.

"You were flirting," Haruka mumbled.

"I wasn't flirting, geez," Makoto said. "I thought _I_ was supposed to be the jealous one."

Haruka whipped his head up to face Makoto. "I'm not jealous."

Makoto rolled his eyes. "Well...you are."

"Ugh." Haruka hated admitting it, it was a reminder that he'd been weak, given in. He was falling hard. "Fine, I am. But how can I not be? We're downstairs and all of them, _all_ of them are ogling you and trying to talk to you and touch you. It's always been like that, only now..."

"Only now you feel you have the right to say something," Makoto prodded.

"No, it's not like that! I didn't give a damn before!" Haruka insisted, failing to convince either one of them. "Look," he stood up again. "To everyone else, you're available, up for grabs and they will _try_. It's not like you can tell people that you're... you're..."

"Taken?"

"Fine," Haruka said, flushing red. "Taken. You go down there looking...completely breath-taking and everyone loves you and I could see they all want to get in you so bad I'm surprised they didn't ask me where to buy fucking tickets."

Makoto seemed taken aback by that, he was quiet for a few moments. "I'm not saying you're wrong, but..."

"But what? There is no but," Haruka muttered.

"_But_," Makoto continued. "It doesn't matter anyway Haru. I don't want any of them, you know that."

"No I don't know that."

"Yes you do!" Makoto cried. "What do I have to do to convince you of that? I thought I'd already given you _everything_ of me that there is to give!"

"So then why do you let them think they have a chance?!" Haruka yelled back. "Maybe you don't realize you're doing it, but you do flirt back Makoto, you do."

"Well, I'm sorry," Makoto said, crossing his arms. "Maybe I didn't realize that, but it still doesn't mean you have anything to worry about. I'm not even gay."

Haruka laughed incredulously. "That doesn't even make sense!"

"Why not?" Makoto demanded, tapping his foot and looking pissed. "Why doesn't that make sense?"

"Oh I don't know!" Haruka roared. "Maybe because of all the stuff you let me to do to you? Not to mention the things you do to me!"

"It doesn't work like that," Makoto sniffed.

"Well you happen to love a very personal part of me," Haruka argued.

"Because it's a part of YOU!" Makoto bellowed.

Haruka didn't know how to respond, so Makoto continued.

"God Haru, you know how I feel about you, and…" Makoto was turning red now. "The things you do to me, just even with your fingers..." It was Haruka's turn to blush. "Trust me, a person wouldn't have to be gay to enjoy it."

Haruka looked down at his shoes. "Oh."

Makoto took him by the hand and pulled him down until they sat side by side on the bed.

"It's not about what you are or what body parts you have," Makoto said softly. "We're more than that, how else could we do what to do to be together? I'm not saying I understand why, but I've always known we were different, that we'd eventually give in…"

"Give in? To what?" Haruka said, snatching his hand away. "When are you going to stop going on about how this was always going to happen? That it was meant to be? That's a load of bullshit Makoto. I already told you that it was _you_ who made this happen, not anyone or anything else."

Makoto stomped his foot. "Oh yeah, I forgot – I held a gun to your head and forced you to let me take you!"

"You held my… well it's close enough," Haruka muttered.

"Oh don't even-just...Ugh!" Makoto leapt from where he sat and began to pace. "You'll never stop fighting this will you? From the start you blamed me…"

"Because it's your fault!" Haruka yelled, he could feel rage burning through his chest, much stronger than he had ever felt before he'd given in to Makoto. He got up from the bed, crossing his arms and glaring at his best friend.

"Okay, fine," Makoto snarled. Haruka blinked as Makoto stepped towards him. "You want to blame me? Punish me? Take it out on me? Then go ahead!"

Haruka just continued to blink at him, unsure of what Makoto meant.

"Come on!" Makoto yelled, holding his arms out. "Hit me, punch me, kick me – do whatever it is you need to do to get this out of your system."

"Don't be a fucking idiot," Haruka spat. "I'm not going to hit you." He almost wanted to.

Makoto stepped even closer, Haruka could see his nostrils flaring. "Didn't you say you wanted to hurt me? Well now's your chance." He poked Haruka hard in the chest with his finger. "Come on."

"Makoto, don't!" Haruka swatted Makoto's hand away and moved backwards. Makoto just followed him, roughly jabbing at him. "I'm not going to hurt you! I can't."

"Don't lie Haru," Makoto hissed. "Just because we do what we do doesn't mean you're not still my best friend. You can hurt me plenty." Haruka was getting more and more riled up as Makoto pushed and pushed, with words and his fists as he began to thump them against Haruka's chest. "If I remember correctly, you once punched my nose so hard it bled."

Haruka had to dig around his memory to bring up the incident Makoto was referring to, and when it surfaced it hit him like a ton of bricks and he shoved Makoto hard, backing him up against the wall beside the bed.

"You remember Haru, I kissed that girl the day after you did and you hurt me for it," Makoto snarled out. Haruka had his arm across Makoto's throat, pinning him to the wall.

Haruka could remember it well; he remembered seeing Makoto with that girl, he remembered the rage and jealousy he had felt at seeing someone kiss his friend, his best friend, _his Makoto_. He hadn't been able to take it out on the girl, so he had taken it out on Makoto. Then he had discarded the memory like an old pair of shoes because he didn't understand the feelings it gave him, they were much too scary to deal with.

As if he was trying to steal the kiss back, Haruka slammed his lips against Makoto's and almost relaxed into the embrace as Makoto moaned into his mouth. He felt a sharp sting and tore his lips away.

"What the fuck? Ow!" Makoto had bitten him.

"Go on Haru, punch me, get it over with," Makoto gasped.

"I'm not going to fucking punch you." Haruka insisted. "Calm down, or I'll _make_ you calm down."

Makoto snorted. "I am very fond of your behind but that doesn't mean I don't get to kick it anymore."

Haruka was thrown back by the force of Makoto's push, and he struggled to steady himself, to keep his balance so that he didn't topple over.

"Just do it!" Makoto yelled. "Finish this so we can move on!"

"Move on?" Haruka's stomach dropped. What did that mean?

"Yes, move on from your idiotic hang up about us!" Makoto elaborated.

"Well you know what?!" Haruka roared. He could feel his face turning red with anger. "If you want this fight so badly, why don't _you_ punch _me_?!"

Makoto didn't hesitate a second before pulling his arm back and taking a swing. Haruka caught his wrist, Makoto's knuckles just inches from his face.

"You were actually going to hit me?" He dropped Makoto's arm in disgust.

"You told me to," Makoto said. His lips curled up defiantly.

Haruka shook his head disbelievingly. "Well, if you're so good at following orders, how about we stop fooling around and get down to business?"

Makoto just stared at him open mouthed for a minute, looking as though he didn't know quite what to say. Then to Haruka's surprise, he doubled over where he stood and began to laugh so hard Haruka could see tears streaming down his cheeks. Realizing the utter ridiculousness of the situation, Haruka started laughing too, until he had to lean against the wall to keep himself up.

Once Makoto was finally able to compose himself, he stood up straight and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," Haruka replied immediately. "I don't want to fight."

Makoto nodded and lowered his face, he looked ashamed. Haruka took pity on his friend and wrapped his arms around him, enveloping him in a big hug.

"It doesn't matter who started what, okay?" he murmured into Makoto's hair. He felt Makoto nod. "We're both still in this, whatever this is." He loosened his grip on Makoto and tilted Makoto's face towards his. This time, Makoto didn't bite, and kissed Haruka back enthusiastically.

"I only want you," Makoto told him in a small voice.

"I know," Haruka replied softly, gently pushing him towards the bed. He pushed until Makoto was lying on his back on the mattress, looking up at him in amusement.

Haruka lay down on top of him and threaded his hand through Makoto's hair as he kissed him thoroughly, slowly, but with as much force as he could muster. He could feel Makoto smiling against his lips.

Yes, they fought, they'd always fought. But making up had never been so much fun.

* * *

_It's been one day since Haruka said it back._

Nagisa had planned a camping trip for all of them and Makoto had been particularly excited about spending some quality time with all of their friends. Haruka hadn't minded the trip at all but he couldn't deny that the separation from Makoto was getting to him. They weren't really separated; they were still together for most of the day but not like Haruka was used to. They did sleep in the same tent but they'd made an agreement, for the few days they spent with their friends, there would be no touching, kissing and definitely no sex.

Haruka caught himself musing over the fact that it wasn't even the sex he missed as much as just being able to really curl up with Makoto when they were alone and simply enjoy the closeness. If it were op to Makoto, he had long told his friends about how close he really was with Haruka, but Haruka simply wasn't ready to share that secret with everyone just yet.

They had made it through the first few days without any major incidents, just sharing meaningful looks and loaded smiles when no one was around, but Haruka knew he wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer.

Haruka was laying in the tent, thinking about how much things had changed between him and Makoto. A part of him was still annoyed with his best friend; Makoto may have been a virgin before Haruka got to him, but he could fuck a person's mind like no other. The way he so easily switched from the sweet, innocent looking creature that everyone adored, to the pushy, magnificent seducer that Haruka had become acquainted with. How Makoto had toyed with Haruka when he could have seen what it was doing to him. They'd argued about it a few times, and each and every time, Makoto shrugged and told Haruka that he needed to be pushy because otherwise Haruka wouldn't have come around.

Haruka was amused when he realized Makoto would still pull his inner vixen out when he wanted something badly enough, and it almost always worked. It had worked with Haruka, as much as Haruka hated to admit it, and he was what Makoto had wanted more than anything else. Makoto was still utterly convinced that the changes to their relationship were meant to happen, and Haruka didn't understand why his best friend was so sure. It was more that Haruka just didn't want to give into him completely that he disagreed. Haruka told him that just because Makoto had been destined to want his sexy body, didn't mean Haruka was meant to fall for him in return. For that he'd received a whack around the ears.

"Hey."

Haruka turned and saw Makoto at the entrance of the tent, holding up the flap. Makoto looked so well-rested and Haruka was glad to see Makoto being totally relaxed.

Haruka crossed his arms and looked at Makoto, raising his eyebrows in acknowledgement but without saying anything.

"What are you doing?" Makoto asked, entering the tent and sprawling next to Haruka.

"Just being lazy," Haruka replied, watching Makoto in amusement.

"Can I stay with you?" A cheeky smile decorated Makoto's face.

"Come here," Haruka said softly.

"I don't know if I should," Makoto said shyly.

"I think you should."

"But we said…you know." Makoto reminded him.

"We're not going to do anything," Haruka replied exasperatedly.

Makoto adjusted himself, draping his arms and legs over Haruka and sighed contently as he dropped his head against Haruka's shoulder.

"Hey, I didn't mean get all over me," Haruka complained, but he wrapped his arms over Makoto and had a smile on his face when Makoto tilted his head up to look at him.

"Whatever," Makoto said. He wasn't worried too much, their friends were busy playing football and that was something Haruka could never enjoy.

"Miss me?" Makoto whispered.

"What do you think?" Haruka replied, tracing Makoto's hand lightly.

"I miss being in you."

Haruka snorted. "Oh nice, that's all you care about? You don't just miss _me_?"

"Nah."

Haruka elbowed Makoto in the stomach and laughed at the pained screech he received in his ear.

"Okay fine, I miss you, all of you," Makoto said.

"Good," Haruka replied with a smile. Then he scrunched up his face. "Ew, fuck Mako."

"What?"

"You made me all mushy, you little bastard. That is not cool," he added when Makoto began to laugh.

"Well neither are you, so it all works out," Makoto said smoothly. He cried out again as he got another elbow in the guts. "You know I'm kidding, I think you're cool."

Haruka huffed, but he smiled.

"I really do miss being intimate," Makoto said quietly.

Haruka shifted a little, it was a bad idea to even talk about it, he knew. "I know, believe me."

"Ah well, we're leaving tomorrow," Makoto murmured, tugging Haruka's ears softly.

"Yeah, that doesn't help me _now_ does it?" Haruka said.

"Oh, you have a problem now?" Makoto asked playfully.

Haruka grinned, he'd missed the flirting. Though he knew, it wouldn't be fun anymore if it got too heavy and there was nothing they could do about it. Still, he continued.

"Mmm. You could just…touch it, maybe rub it a little?"

"I'm sorry Haru," Makoto said seriously, still playing with his ears. "That is just something a best friend wouldn't do."

Haruka couldn't contain his laughter, and had to clutch at his stomach as it began to ache. "Oh fuck off." He tilted his head to look up at Makoto, who was grinning down at him. Haruka squeezed his hand and smiled, he was beginning to see that he hadn't lost his best friend at all. He could still have his Makoto, and he could _have_ Makoto too. It was overwhelming and scary, but Haruka knew that if he had the chance to put things back how they were before, he couldn't, wouldn't want to.

Finally Haruka leaned back and kissed Makoto as hard as he could on the mouth. Makoto let out a soft, high pitched sound in surprise and rubbed his feet slowly against Haruka's. They were breaking the rules, but weren't they always?

Haruka felt dizzy when he pulled away, his heart was jack hammering in his chest because he had something to say. He was terrified, but it had to be said, and said on his terms alone.

"I love you," he blurted out, feeling his cheeks burn as if they were on fire.

Makoto smiled. "Of course you do." He caressed Haruka's cheek lovingly and resumed playing with his ears.

Haruka sucked in a breath. "I mean...I'm in love with you…or something." He didn't realize he'd have to almost spell it out.

Makoto's eyes widened for just a split second, but then he just nodded, something akin to a smirk on his lips.

Haruka narrowed his eyes. "And you already knew that, didn't you?"

Makoto said nothing, but couldn't keep the grin from spreading across his face.

"Ugh." Haruka rolled his eyes. Stupid Makoto, always being right. It was infuriating.

"You know what Mako? Fuck you," Haruka said, crossing his arms over his chest and trying his best to look annoyed, difficult when he couldn't stop grinning.

Makoto laughed, and then brushed his lips against Haruka's ear. "Tomorrow, you can," he whispered.

_It's been one day since Haruka told Makoto he loved him._

_You must be a wizard because you put a spell on me._

_You must be a genius because you can tell just what I need…_

**A/N: Thank you all for reading this short story! I hope you enjoyed the final part!**

**Lots of love!**


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